Should i fix things?

i haven’t had much luck with listeners recently so i’ll just post my situation on here in hopes. (Feel free to ask questions and give support, i’m also trying to fully understand this)

so i was friends with these 3 guys (let’s call them R, F and H for story purpose.) so we all moved schools and i think im like the popular (again don’t think i am) mean girl type while all three really mind they’re own business. i used to be in a relationship with R (never bf and gf tho idk), had a crush on F and a lot of people thought we were dating and talked to H daliy. so i had a lot of built up anger with R and i felt that starting rumours would help me what i thought then was justice. well to be specific, i told everyone he “cheated on me” with this other girl we were both friends with. i’m technically not lying cause he did kiss her while he told me he loved me. there was more little things but as of right now don’t believe it’s important rn.

anyways we hated eachother and but i felt this only changed a few days ago, when H texts me saying he didn’t do that. i have a pretty good life, won’t pretend i don’t and am really great full for the friends i have around. well i ask H how i can fix this and he says i should apologize and thinks he would forgive me. here’s where it gets me. i moved about a month ago. it’s been hard but i told everyone i cared at the time, including R, H and F. well my best friend was talking to Rs best friend and so Rs bsf tells mine that he was still so inlove with me. tho i don’t know if this before or after i did this, by what why friend said it sounds like after? anyways a part of me wants everything to go back to normal and the other wants nothing to do with him because i know if we do become friends again, i don’t want to fall in the same thing i used to.

Moving on to F, we were really close. He would tell me all about how he had depression and all that he wanted was to get a gf and stop feeling so empty. and i did feel bad. i told my new friends about him (they would sometimes say he was so obviously flirting with me, i don’t belive so) and i would see him alone in the hallways and go and talk to him. i even went as far to on my birthday get me and H to write him a letter on why i care so much about him and it would hurt me if he was gone. he made me happy, i new it would hurt to lose him. but after one of my volleyball practices, i knew he had a game and thought i should stay and watch. this is the first time i thought “would i even matter if i was there?”

i thought about it but left, deciding it probably wasn’t. my friend later said she would have cause we were friends right? anyways i facetune F later that night. our once 4 hour calls turned into 1 hour, eventual silence, than him asking if it’s ok for him to go talk to someone else. i tryed to fix it and asked him if anything was wrong, he should tell me. he said there wasn’t and he did care, tho he was just in a low part of his life. i started to notice he never cared about my problems, he never did tho. i eventually moved and the last time i saw him in person he ignored me and looked on his phone the whole time. i eventually distanced myself from him and i knew in the end it would be better for the both of us.

i would have been ok with is ending but no. H later tells me F said i’m an asshole. i don’t know what i did. he has a gf now. tho she’s not the prettiest and i don’t even know her, i’m happy for him. but it’s so hard to be happy for someone that hates you. both F and R do. i don’t know what to do anymore and i talked to my friends about it. they said there both stupid and i have nothing to be sorry for. i dont care if i dont but ever since this happened i’ve even started to notice H’s aditude to me change. and in the end, i just want everything to be good again.