Should I Be More Encouraging?

@rollingthunder

So my SO had been out of work for years while he was going through some things. It really messed us up financially. Almost a year ago, he became gainfully employed. We are still struggling financially, but we can now pay bills on time at least. It was a stressful job from the beginning even though he got to work from home. They are super strict and the past few months he has been super super stressed out to the point of being physically ill.(it sounds like this job has been affecting him emotionally for a very long time to the point where it's starting to affect his physical health as well, it can be tough seeing a partner going through so much). I'd love for him to quit, as I am so tired of hearing him complain and gripe and yell all day. I too work from home, so I have to hear all that. As I age, the less negativity and issues I want to put up with. (Assuming you are female, if not I apologize. Women after awhile will get tired of their partner complain and gripe after awhile. They would love nothing more than support their partner, but if it's an ongoing thing then they will get tired because he is not getting over it). I'd rather him work a minimum wage job he is okay with but doesn't hate than work a good paying job that he absolutely hates.(If he hates his job then obviously it will make him unhappy on every area of his life, he will feel like he is not fufilling his purpose, will most likely feel miserable and sad). I feel bad for thinking this, because I wanted him so badly to start working. I worked for so long multiple jobs pushing every day regardless of the level of stress to make sure we got by. (This tells me you have been driving force of the house and the relationship so at some point it will make you feel unhappy, but you have been doing your best dealing with the level of stress you are going through) I needed him to work to give me some relief, but now, I feel like I still don't have that relief, as I don't know if he just may up and quit one day with no notice leaving us back to broke again. (It sounds like you are feeling unsure about what he will do which is understandable you are feeling this way, its not making you feel safe or like you can trust he will maintain the focus of not quiting) I'd love for him to put his two weeks and look for something but not just up and quit like that you know. I feel so bad that he has to deal with this job and I encourage him to just put in notice, but I'm also afraid he will just quit without notice like he usually does and that leaves us in a super big bid. I don't have the patience I used to to deal with these things. Sometimes I ignore him while he gripes and sometimes I want to yell, "Just shut up already and either quit or deal with it!" (This is exactly what i was reffering to earlier, you'll listen for awhile but after long periods it becomes unbearing and tiredsome, so its like "Hey you need to be strong and get over it because it's pulling me down" so negativity its what you associate when it comes to him). What kind of upsets me is he doesn't get that his negative energy rubs off on me. (It will with anyone, specially when its constant negativity after constant negativity). I can be having a great day and then suddenly he is yelling (not at me) and shouting and cussing up a storm because something isn't working or he can't get help from higher ups or whatever. (Have you communicated this to him? also this tells me he is not handling stress or pressure very well, such as keeping it inside then exploding at times. What he is doing is actually turning you off and making you feel like its hard being around him). I know it is frustrating to have a job like that, but it's taking a toll on both our health because it flares up my panic and anxiety attacks as well (It sounds like you have understanding and empathy towards his situation, however he is bringing too much negativity into the relationship). I feel bad. Should I just be more encouraing or am I in the right to feel how I do? Maybe I'm the one who needs to just be grateful he is working, which I am, but it doesn't seem worth it sometimes. Thanks! (The way you are feeling is normal to be honest, he is bringing too much negativity to the relationship, then other things he is doing. You have done your best to be encouraging but it has been affecting you emotionally, so you also got to take care of yourself first as well)