Pain with sex
I was a virgin when I got married for religious reasons, and I thought I would enjoy sex because my husband and I had a lot of physical chemistry. On our honeymoon though I discovered that I have pain with sex (muscle spasms), and it totally took away any arousal I had with anything before. I think I might be asexual at this point, because I hate being touched in a sexual way, and of course I dislike sex. This causes my husband and I to fight because he doesn't feel sexually appreciated and can't do anything for me (which he really wants to and would try anything), and I want to meet his needs too but I cant make myself have a great attitude about it all the time. Sometime I get panic attacks when we kiss because I feel trapped and I feel like I'm suffocating. But I love my husband, I want to stay married and have kids together some day.
I'm sorry about this, that's surely a tough situation. Have you already tried to see a doctor about the pain you experience? Being asexual means experiencing no sexual attraction at all, if your rejection of sex came after the painful experience it sounds more like a natural reaction to pain rather than asexuality. Whatever it is, though, the best thing to do would be to see a gynecologist and understand what the origin of the pain is. Sex shouldn't be that painful, and if it is, there's likely a source for it that a doctor can identify and help you fix.
Even after that, it may take some time for you to get comfortable with sex after everything you've been through, and that's ok. Take things slow and see where it goes. Get support: of course your mutual love and constant and clear communication are fundamental, but a sexologist can also be of help during this phase.
