Pain.
Pain is personal. Pain is one of the emotions we don't share easily
because when we do, we reveal a part of our heart and our soul
bare naked. As humans, we put our gaurds up to save ourselves. We
bottle up our emotions cause our heart and soul is so tired and
damaged. We feel so numb and empty because there's a big hole
right where our heart should be. But sometimes, our chest aches. So
we keept telling ourselves that, "it's okay.... I'll be okay"... But,"
Does this actually makes us happy?", "Are we really happy?" Or"
We became so good at faking?"
@peacefulscorpion
I just felt every single word you said. I am standing at a point in my life where I found myself truly vulnerable for the first time in a long time. I am used to be the "strong one" and by that I just mean I am pretty damn good at pretending like I am. Often afraid of what could happen or how others would hurt if I ever show myself to have a vulnerability.
Putting on the strong girl act is often a very tiring thing to do. And little by little I let myself believe I could perhaps open up, hope that if I needed it, someone would be there for me as I had been there for them when they needed me.
The truth is others shouldn't live up to the expectations we have on them, such as "they will so for me as I did for them" but as I said before, I hoped for once, when I was truly hurt and lonely that someone would notice and that they would reach out to me to comfort me.
I realized that I was also partly responsible for this, others cannot know how I feel if I don't tell them, sometimes it isn't "that obvious" and even though we should careful choose who we trust to confide in, we should also start somewhere, admitting we can't always be the hero, taking off the smiling mask to show we're only human, and accept that it is okay not to be okay.
Hope my experience will help others like me bloom stronger like a an orchid that grows yet more beautiful when facing hardships and pain. 🌺❤️