My story, and other things
I met my girlfriend in April of last year, we were inseperable all year long. This year, we have been through a lot, many problems, but it seems they have all worked themselves out. We are doing very well together now.
I was married for 30 years, a wonderful time and a really good marriage. It left me feeling very positive about being married. My girlfriend was married for 12 years, most of it bad. It left her feeling pretty negative about being married. I am 65 years old, and planning to retire next year. My girlfriend has already retired. We tried living together in her house, but it didn't work. One problem is her house is too small. The other problem was that I get up very early to go to work, and that bothered her sleeping, even though we slept in separate bedrooms. We took a trip together last month, and it was a disaster. She didn't get much sleep the whole time, and yelled at me way too often for being afraid to say anything. She apologized the day after the trip, but it left me feeling that being married to her would lead to more grouching.
The only compromise I can think of is for us to move in together in a bigger house once I retire. We both own our houses, and could sell them and buy a bigger house. I still feel that she might not sleep well with me in the same house as her, but I feel that with a bigger house it wouldn't be a big problem.
The problem comes up that I would love to be married again, she doesn't want to get married again. I'm not sure what to do now.
@Offmytrack
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
My girlfriend was married for 12 years, most of it bad. It left her feeling pretty negative about being married. (It does sounds like her last marriage was probably traumatic for her, and it's not something she has dealt and healed from. This will cause problems because she might be afraid of going through another marriage) I am 65 years old, and planning to retire next year. We took a trip together last month, and it was a disaster. (This are signs to really pay attention to because if this trip didn't work out, then it means theres a deeper issue thats causing you both to get along well) She didn't get much sleep the whole time, and yelled at me way too often for being afraid to say anything. (This is a red flag right here, she has a lot of anxiety and has traits of being impatient/impulsive when it comes to certain actions. I can also tell she has a very hard time dealing with emotions, and might even blame you for it. Things will get worst if you end up marrying her) She apologized the day after the trip, but it left me feeling that being married to her would lead to more grouching.(Its nice she apologized, but it's not enough to make up for how she mistreated you. A single apology is not going to work, and she will be very hard to deal with in the long run. Also yelling is a form of seeking control. She has a hard time dealing with anger, so she will explode on you when she can't take it anymore)
The only compromise I can think of is for us to move in together in a bigger house once I retire. We both own our houses, and could sell them and buy a bigger house. (Its this something she wants to do?) I still feel that she might not sleep well with me in the same house as her, (Here's the thing, if she is not sleeping with you in the same house then it will just feel like you two are roomates. I can tell she has unreasonable expectations of relationships, and would often get mad or annoyed at the slightest of things) but I feel that with a bigger house it wouldn't be a big problem. (The problem isn't how big the house is, the problem is her behavior and how she sees relationships in general.)
The problem comes up that I would love to be married again, she doesn't want to get married again. I'm not sure what to do now. (You want marriage and connection, while she is not willing to do these things. It's so important to stick to what you want and not wait for a woman who is not emotionally available or ready to give you what you want)
@freshLight64, you are probably right in almost everything. I can't count the number of times she has been upset or angry with me. I can count the number of times I have been upset or angry with her - 0. She says she loves me, and will always love me. But I don't think she really understands love, she just has a feeling and she sometimes misinterprets it.