Mistakes

When I was 18, I lost my virginity. And for 3 years that felt acceptable. But, once I turned 21, I realized being monogamous I wasn’t my bag. I spent the next 20 years pretending to be ok with a monogamous relationship until one day I finally met a guy I was willing to be monogamous with. Now, I’m scared of losing him because I feel so conditioned to think men only want women who are willing to do anything they want. Help?