I'm struggling to accept this...

@DrearySky01

Hi, I saw your post and originally wasn't going to reply as I didn't feel like I could comment (Ive never been in any relationship let alone a long term, long distance one!) but I wanted you to know that this is the right place to come for support and I'm sure that someone who has been in a similar place to you will reply and make this feel a bit less overwhelming.

In the meantime, perhaps this 5 months will be a good time to really invest in other relationships closer to home if you haven't already? Or do you have any goals/plans coming up that could distract you?

I sincerely hope that things work out for you,

Charlie x

@DrearySky01

Hiya.

On first reading your post i didn't feel i had any particular wonderful bit of advice or uplifting comment that could really help. But the other reply changed my mind.

Firstly, please remind yourself: he's doing this for you! Because ge cares about the wellbeing of a more intence future relationship with you, he's willing to be parted from you for such a length of time. He is strong and admirable to do that. I can understand why he didn't have the idea on his own, and refusing when it was brought up. But he clearly wants to invest into being your husband. I would say its a good idea to continue supporting him through this, it will be hard on him. He most likely has the same feelings and fears you do, quite possibly he is simply putting on a brave face to support you.

It might help if you let him know how this makes you feel, especially since this is after declaration of engagement. No one wants to be parted from an S.O. after receiving such great news. My 2yr. L-D ended mutually, and looking back i'm glad we both knew things were not working out. I can't imagine wanting to be closer than ever but having to take a step back. I feel for how this must be tearing you up.

You said you've been together 2.5 years. For a marriage that both of you are working and willing to put so much of yourselves into, you can UNDOUBTEDLY get through five months. You'll not only look back on it with happiness but with PRIDE. Every day will be strength and patience earned. Once five months is done....what then can his father say???

And your bf...

Imagine being him: his soon to be got through five months apart. Cinderella couldn't compare to u in his eyes after going through something like that for him.

Sorry this was so long and i speak so weird. >.< but please be reassured. A guy willing to MISS you for so long, is aiming to be oh so fond of you, and he is certainly worthvwaiting for.

I hope all goes well for you through all of this. Please take care.

@DrearySky01

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

His dad has never been fond of me. He doesnt think we are a right fit... that I just drag his son down. (This is a sign his dad is trying to separate you two, so he would keep his son inside a box. We have an intrusive parent right here, this will affect how your bf makes decisions) When all I've ever tried to do is be supportive... even now. So when he told his dad we were getting engaged they got into a fight. (This sounds like his dad felt anxious about losing his son, and your bf decision was not being respected so it lead to both sides not feeling safe at the moment) His dad explained to him that he wasnt ready to be a husband (like he could talk... 2 failed marriages) and that he should regroup his thoughts and consider taking a break from our relationship. (This is not coming from a concern towards his son, he is definetly trying to control his decisions, when in reality this none of his business. He is forcing himself upon him)

My boyfriend didn't consider it at first but decided to talk to some friends to see what they thought. Everyone agreed that... he needed to work on some things before we got married. (I do urge you to think about this. Your bf doesn't seem to have the ability to be assertive because of his intrusive dad, so it would make him seek validation from other people. He surrounds himself with people who don't have his best interest in mind or don't understand relationships (except for you), so he follows what they say)

So now my boyfriend has decided we need to take a 5 month break.... without talking... without seeing each other. (This is insane...so he expects you to wait for him for five months?. Its so important to not put yourself through this because he has shown you the inability to stay firm in his decision. How do we know he isn't going to bail out if you two marry? and worst how do we know if he is going to set boundaries on his family/friends)And that the engagement is off. (He felt scared thinking about the future, and the people around him made things worst)

I dont know what to do with myself. He says time with fly by fast and once it's up I'll look back on it happily. (This sounds inconsiderate of him. You two have been together for 2.5 years, and he tries to sell you the "time will fly fast" speech...)But I cant. I just cant. (Good, you shouldn't put yourself through this. Waiting for someone who is basically saying "hey lets not talk for 6 months" isn't a good idea, because he is showing you that he will bail out when serious decision come) I trust that he wont move on from me.... but I cant imagine not talking to him during the day. I cant.(These are your boundaries, needs and wants. It's important to not compromise them for someone who is saying "Lets not talk for 6 months")

Its brought me back to a really low place aSnd I can use all the help I can get....(Its understandable how you feel, it must had come as a shock. He doesn't have boundaries and a sense of self in terms of his adult life because of selfish parent who is only caring about not losing him. The marriage or relationship will not work unless he sets boundaries with them and have a sense of self. The marriage will fall apart because he has family/friends who don't really have his best interest in mind. I understand you love him, but its important to not overlook his actions. Its disrespectful to your needs and wants if you go along with the 6 month break, if he can't commit then someone else will be able to give you what you are looking for)