I don't know what to do about my ex

@Sna99,

I am so sorry to disappoint you but there is really not much that you can do about the situation.If you push him,it will worsen the situation.Men generally mean what they say,not like women,say something as a threat but not actually mean it.Most men are more logical than emotional,so if he says he needs space and time away from you ,it means he is pretty much over you.The thing is why do you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?You need to be with someone who wants you,not say he is tired of you.It's not easy to end things,especially after a long time but I think you should detach from the situation,let him have his space.If he starts missing you and comes back looking for you,even better,it means he still cares for you.But if not,it means he is not into you and you should move on.Trust me on this,I've been through some stuff myself,it's never a good thing to have your heart broken but better face the truth than live in delusion or be miserable with someone who does not reciprocate your feelings.Sorry that I am so blunt about it but we all deserve to have the best possible relationships,so we might as well choose to have them with the right person.And remember,there is a quote that I found here,on this site and that I like so much:"At your best,you will still be not good enough for the wrong person.At your worst,you will still be worth it for the right person!"End of quote!The choice is yours,who do you choose to be with?Wishing you good luck

@Sna99

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

With me ex fiance we were together for 1.5 years and it was our both first experience about a relationship. (This is definetly going to take awhile to recover since it was you both first experience) When we first met it was a long distance for 2-3 months (We live in same country but diffirent cities and our cities are not that far away)

We both had lots of hardships during our relationship.He had proplems with his mom as she was not okay with our relationship. (You didn't mention if this was a culture thing, so I believe he might have a mother who is intrusive and likes to make decision for him, so this will always cause problems between the two of you because they have this bond that you won't be able to get in)I also had problems with my family as they didn't want me to drop univeristy to live with him.

In our relationship he was more like dad or brother to me than a boyfriend.I always made him take my responsiblities. (This is a red flag because you are relying heavily on him to soothe your fears and worries, so this will actually make things worst for you. It's strange you said "he was more like a dad or brother" because it communicates you were looking in him what you didn't receive growing up and you projected unmet needs on him) I have social phobia and anixety also so it was really hard for me to socialise so I don't have any friends.I was often feeling really anixious about small things and mistread him (shouting,calling bad names,being too controlling)(This tells me you have high levels of anxiety, you often feel disconnected whether its imagined or perceived which makes you do certain things such as; shouting, calling bad names and being controlling in an effort to pull him closer to you and soothe your anxiety. I will honestly say you displayed behavior that pushes the other person away, and at times became more focus on soothing the anxiety than how he feels) He wanted me to see a threapist but I always refused.

During our last months of relationship his behaviour to me was diffirent.He was often being cold and ignoring me. (This tells me he was feeling disconnected from you, and decided to pull away because he felt smothered. I also believe he doesn't have good communication skills, he probably tends to keep things inside without telling you much) When he said he wanted speace it made me really panic.(I could tell you felt a lot of hurt, it made you feel like he was going to abandon you. This does indicates you have abandonment issues, so it becomes very tough to regulate your emotions when someone wants space) I didn't want to lose him. (This is a scary feeling to go through because it gets quite overwhelming when these thoughts come through your mind)I said I want to break up a few times but I was never serious it was just threat. (I could understand you felt scared, but in here you are using manipulation, controlling and punishing behaviors on an effort to force him into doing what he wants. These kind of games will cause the other person to feel high anxiety and they will not feel safe with you)

In an argument I said something bad about his mom (swear word) which caused him to not talk to me for 2 weeks. (You must had felt either not good enough, not as important or disconnected for you to say a swear word about his mom)

When I try to contact him he said he wanted to break up as our relationship was tiring (It can make the other person feel worn out and tired. One of the way you can tell its when they behave different or put less effort in the relationship) and he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.I begged him not to break up and said suicidal stuff but even in that case he didn't care. (You are using guilt and manipulative behaviors to force him into doing what you want, this is not going to make a partner feel connected with you) Even we were arguing it was really a sudden change.

I decided to visit him as he doesn't reply my text and also not sending my stuff back.(I could see you are feeling anxious and scared, it must be horrible knowing he is not replying to your text or sending your things back, but you are trying to force the interaction when he is not ready to speak with you. You are more focused on soothing your anxiety and lost the ability to understand how he feels)I was planning to stay calm but couldn't and I made things even worse.(Your anxiety definetly affects you a lot, but doing something will push him away)

He said he will keep talking to me and will visit me just for handle the situation but now again he never reply my text. (You should stop all of the reaching out before he decides to block you) His chracter also changed a lot now.(This is because you are trying to force things, so he is building a wall on order for you to not get close. You need to respect what he wants as well, its not all about you) Before he liked staying home better but now he is always outside and says he never wants a relationship again.(This is because you keep going after him, its making him feel smothered and trapped)I don't understand how someone change change so suddenly.(He wants space, you are not giving it to him so he is going to behave cold and distant with you)

I don't know what should I do and how can I keep my contact with him. (By letting him initiate all of the texting and calling) Even if it's just in friendly way. (You don't really want friendship) Rather then just moving on and let go what can I do ? (Let him do all of the reaching out first)