I cheated and feel horrible
I got a new job and recently turned 18, I have a girlfriend who I've been dating for 2 years and 3 months. Things we're really good with each other for a long time, but then our relationship started to get really weak, we would fight every day for the most stupid reasons, and I even break up with her for a while but then I came back and we've been trying to work it out.
The fact is that recently I cheated on her, and I can't look at myself due to what I've done, I also don't know what to do, I haven't told her, and I don't actually know if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I want to keep the relationship and I also feel guilt about that, she loves me so much and I'm everything for her, she suffered a lot and she has been dealing with so many mental health issues due to childhood traumas.
I feel like I'm a horrible person, I shouldn't have done what I did, I made a poor decision, I should've talked to her and addressed our issues but I didn't because I was afraid of communication, and I'm still am. I'm lost because I also don't know if our relationship is worth saving, I don't know if I want to stay, I don't know if i'll ever be happy again with that decision, I can't see myself without her.
The situation gets even more complicated because I feel I'm emotionally attached to her in a really unhealthy way because. The relationship wasn't in its best moment, but we were fine, and then I did it, and I'm lost and don't know what to do.
Dude I can relate to that, I never had a relationship with this girl but I really loved her alot and she knew that and kind of led me on. I always asked for her to be transparent if she's with someone because I liked her and if she wasnt into me I wanted to try to distance myself. She went on to mess around with a bunch of people who genuinely suck as individuals. And I've felt horrible for a year because she just couldn't be transparent and honest. She hid it for whatever reason and I've felt that it was a malicious choice made to hurt me. I feel that if she was honest we could have worked it out to a point where we could be ok friends but Instead I felt like she was lying and it made me go crazy because I knew she was and it led to me accusing her and her lying and lying and avoiding it and now I can't stop thinking about the lies.
Moral of the story, if she genuinely loves you and you decide that you want to be with her, you have to be honest because if she catches you in this lie it will affect her for a very long time. If you get it out in the open and admit your an idiot for doing it (props for recognizing) you can try to work through it but dude if you keep it from her and she thinks somethings going on and your lying it is soo much worse. I still can't sleep or go through my day without thinking about it.
Be honest bro.
I'm sorry to hear that bro, I know how poor choices affect people. She was also someone who would tell me to be honest with her about my feelings, but I was unable to open myself due to past traumas and an unlogical fear of letting people know what I'm thinking.
I'm having a really hard time keeping this, and I think I want to be with her and talk to her. I'm gonna be honest, I'm really afraid I may lose her, but it's the consequences of my own actions and I need to accept them.
She would constantly tell me she would never accept cheating, that she would leave me right away, and I would say that's something I'd never do, and now I feel like a failure.
Deep in my heart, I truly believe that if I was honest with her, she would understand because we had passed through a lot and managed to put it on the past, but nothing so despicable.
I want to tell her, I searched a lot in myself, I struggled with a trauma of confrontation and opening myself my entire life, and I want to be better and even work with a couple terapist to help us.
The problem is, as I said, I want to tell her, but I don't know how. It may be easier if I could just blame her and say that she wasn't giving me enough attention, but it would be a lie, and it would make the situation even worse.
I know it would hurt us both a lot, but I also know it's the right thing to do. Do you have any tips on how can I reach her and tell her what I did?
Wow, I can relate alot to that, my situation was almost the same, she wanted me to be honest but couldnt be herself. And I have been doing things alone literally up until a couple days ago, now I'm trying this out I hope it works because being alone and bottling up emotions dosent. It's good that you want to improve. (I know everyone says that but it actually is important). There is no easy way to tell her. It's a serious problem and it may be a relationship ending one (for both your sake I hope it isnt). But if you don't tell her and she finds out it WILL be a relationship ending event.
You have to be honest about what you were feeling. How you feel now and how much it hurts you that your going to hurt her. There is no way to avoid hurting her here. It's going to happen in fact it's already done she just dosent know it yet because the wrong choice and action were already made. If your willing to work with a couple therapist and do whatever you need to do to work things out it may not be enough because something like this isnt small. It's is going to hurt you alot just like it's going to hurt her.
You can't lie to her about anything especially your feelings. There is a chance that she might hate you at first but you gotta remember being cheated on is one of the most hurtful things that can happen. The important thing is to make it clear that you hate what you did and it makes you feel horrible that you did it or even thought about it.
You have to sit her down and just break it to her. Maybe start with a, 'I love you and I know this is going to hurt you alot but I need to tell you something' or maybe 'you mean the world to me so I don't understand why I did this to you' but these are just suggestions very open to change.
There's no question that your in the wrong for cheating especially if she matters to you and you matter to her. Its good that you want to tell her and work through it but there is a possibility she wont be able to for awhile, Try to be prepared for what's going to come because it won't be easy no matter what. But if your going to make it right to the best of your capability and never hurt her like that again hopefully it will be enough for her. No matter what we're all here to help you out man, me or others are glad to support you no matter what it's a community and were together on these issues.
The right thing is to tell her and be honest but it's not going to be easy. It will take time no matter what but as long as your willing to improve hopefully there will be a time when this situation is mended. Good luck dude I really hope things work out for the both of you
Thank you so much for your support man, I tried to reach other people but I only got people telling me how horrible I am, and I don't blame them because I'm currently thinking the same of myself.
I'll try to talk to her as soon as I can, I'm afraid I might regret it later, I am planning this conversation on my head for a couple weeks. Another thing I'm also afraid is that she might just walk away and ignore me as soon as I say 'I cheated on you'.
I really regret what I did... I wish I could go back in time, and for the first time in my life I considered ki11ing myself. I'm really depressed and destroyed by what I did, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I've done.
Again, thanks for listening me, I'll come back when I get to have this conversation with her. I believe she may ghost me in the first weeks, maybe months, but I think our love is really something else. I do love her so much, I would give my life to her, I was a person that thought "If you love, you don't cheat", but nothing is as simple as that. Things weren't good, I couldn't communicate, I was weaks, I did a horrible thing that I'm ashamed of, and it is not her fault, and I'm truly sorry about how I'm going to hurt her.
I'm not someone that has a lot of friends, actually, all of our friends are like mutual friends, and when we broke up the last year, I was completely alone. And this is something that also makes me afraid, I won't have anyone by my side to help me.
I know that if she forgives me, I won't ever do that again.
I'm trying to be better, thanks man, really, I appreciate your help.
