How do you deal with a husband that refuses to communicate healthy

My husband is not used to having talks or talking/dealing with emotions when it comes to someone he hurt. Neither one of us was raised in a family that actually took the time to sit down and talk about things, but I've learned the importance of it and find that it's the healthiest way to deal with things. My husband tends to snap and lash out instead of just calmly communicating and can be verbally abusive. Obviously this leads to hurt. His solution is to give it time and then act like nothing happened. This is not ok for me, this is toxic. When I try to talk about it he puts up a fuss, tells me about how wrong i am, raises his voice, and explains his point of view without really dealing with how i feel or giving me the acknowledgment that i need. This has gone on for years and at this point I'm worn down and tired of it but I don't know how to get us both on the same page. I've decided to take a stance for communicating together and as a team as opposed to tearing each other down when it gets hard and I'm standing on it but there's always a possibility that he will play the same card he's always played and tell me that he's tired of talking about things, tired of things becoming an issue, and make a big fuss about it. We have been to two couples therapists that have given suggestions on how to communicate that he just ignores. I don't know what else to do....