Been cheated on? Dare to tell your experience?

I wasn't cheated on, but I was the cheateree, however you say that. I'm so sorry to the now-ex that I cheated on because I really did love him, but lust and my attention-seeking self overcame me when he wasn't there. My current boyfriend is nervous about my previous infidelities, but we're going strong. I've given up the unloyal lifestyle for a dedicated, loving relationship, although it's long distance :( I do feel like, because I've done it before and was forgiven for the infidelity, I'd forgive someone for cheating on me. I'm glad my morals have straighten out and my life's on track.

I'm not sure if my previous message even posted.

Im going through this right now (just found out last Monday). My boyfriend of 11 years has been cheating on me for around 5 months. The girl lives in another state. He slept with her twice during his internship there (in between my visits to him), maintained a Snapchat relationship the rest of the time, and slept with her once more when she visited him while I was away. I found the condom wrapper behind his bed and he shrugged it off as his roommates letting friends crash over a weekend he wasn't there. I believed him. But he just flew back to that city for a job interview and I found out he never booked a hotel/Airbnb and figured out he was at her house.

Im having trouble with the day to day. We were discussing marriage and our futures. We're both 30 and we're ready to settle down and be done with our educations/initial careers. My whole future vaporized in a single second on the phone when he confessed. We haven't discounted couples therapy, but right now I constantly feel like I can't breathe.

Its good to hear it eventually gets better.

My boyfriend is sick. He needs constant attention and reassurance. He tells lies to gain sympathy. He's a pathological liar. A narcissist. He chooses insecure girls with no morals and convinces them he's a sensitive god. He paints me as a villain. When I catch him, he blames me. Then promises to change. But then he's online in no time, posting half naked photos, sexting, and seeking attention. He lies about it. He calls promiscuous girls whores, but then he likes to secretly watch those girls online. He's destroyed my life. He's emotionally broken and destroyed me. I've been fighting this for 5 years. I'm not the person I was before. I'm just an empty shell. I am almost out of time to start a family, or at least have one. He's taken that from me with his promises that never come true. He's taken all of my hope. I don't even want to wake up anymore.

@Ladypearl

Yes, by the same person more than once. We were (still are) together. The ones that I knew of, I had a feeling to begin with. He would spend lots of time with them when I was away at work. I saw a chat between them once that indirectly implied something went down. I didn't say anything, because I wanted proof. From that point on my wall was up. A year later, it was with another girl at work. That is when the proof finally came. I always had suspicions. One day he left his messenger open and went to a friends. I saw all their messegas reminiscening about the times they had, even laughing at one point how I had called during one of their encounters. I was so heartbroken and disgusted and just felt murderous at that point.

We had been together about 6 years at that point when it all came out, including the previous one who I knew he slept with but I could never prove. We were already living together and had been through hell and back before that. I had to decide what to do. I stayed, but we did not have any communication for more than a month. It was sleeping in different rooms, no hellos or good mornings or I'm going to work...it was just silence. It took forever for me to even start asking questions about it to start understanding...not that you can ever understand these things.

We are still together all these years later and it's been a long, hard road. I've never regained trusting him fully and probably never will. I know he has had slip ups...not sleeping with girls but flirting. I've seen texts before. I don't know the girls or the extent of the relationship, and to be honest, sometimes I feel like if he ever did it again I wouldn't care. I'm too old to care and would just move on amicably. If he feels he can find someone better than me and be happier with someone else, who am I to stop that? I would be sad but not mad. Besides, I am the one who stayed, so that would be on me. I would not find another relationship though. I just can't imagine wanting to put effort again into loving someone or giving them my all with a chance of being hurt again...that messes with someone's ego and confidance you know.

I think sometimes I was just dumb and naive staying. I'm a very patient person..to a fault, and I feel this has allowed me to be taken advantage of. He may never admit it, but I think he did what he did partly because he knew I would be so forgiving. He does not realize though I can forgive with the grace of God, but I have never forgotten what he did. I actually still have the copies of the messages between him and this girl from so many years ago. He made me delete them from my computer years ago, but I kept copies for the sole purpose of remembering what he is capable of in case I ever let myself forget. It sounds crazy, but it's how I deal.

I also confronted her once when I found out by e-mail. I didn't know how else to contact her. I know I shouldn't have, because everyone kept saying well it's not her fault, you don't date her, etc...I felt though she is also at fault. She knew about me and still didn't care. She even told a friend of hers about it all, and this friend of hers had the audacity to ask me to hook her up with a job. I felt so duped by all of it. I threatened to tell her husband if she ever contacted my boyfriend again, and I think that pretty much scared the crap out of her. It wasn't my proudest moment, but I don't regret doing it.

If I could do things again, I wouldn't have stayed honestly. I think I stayed mostly because I couldn't afford to move at the time, and I understood part of why he did what he did. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just parted ways though and done what I had to do to leave. It's really hard staying with a cheater no matter how reformed they become. You just always have that hint of, "Did he just look at that girl," or, "Why is he smiling at that text?" It's hard not to question everything in your head and let your thoughts run off. It gets exhausting constantly worrying, and I'd rather not have spent my good youthful years worrying like that.