Am I controlling?

@yanna363 I believe we must learn about our anger and what leads up to an outburst. At the point of outburst there is usually little you can do to “control” it. When drunk it’s not really possible to be aware of your feelings. Maybe you want to think about how important alcohol is compared to your relationship. Not that it’s necessarily an either or situation but you might want to drink less if it keeps happening, or consider not drinking if your efforts to keep things going well in your relationship continue to suffer.

@yanna363

sounds like you might have underlying issues.............. that you only go off on ...after you drink.... your ability to control things is lowered by drinking.........

I think if you express any item that you feel when both of you are sober.....

is it related to him drinking perhaps? ...............something is triggering this anger ........

@yanna363. If you get angry while drinking then you are drinking too much. When someone is drunk it's like an open door to demons. Just don't drink too much. Maybe you have anxiety. People who have anxiety issues always need to be in control. Maybe something is stressing you out. Hope you can figure it out.

@yanna363

I understand that deviations in opinions, beliefs and maybe even values with your bf can be very frustrating. I understand your anger. And be sure of this, you are allowed to feel angry - it is just the way in which you express your anger that needs some work to be done.

Maybe when you feel such emotions coming up, you could beforehand make an agreement with yourself that you will not respond when you are in this state. Maybe you could take a few hours, or even days, to really think through what exactly is bothering you and how you could address it with your boyfriend in a way which won't seem like an attack on him.

When emotions come up, I find it that it is most helpful to "sleep on them" and also writing them down. After that, maybe you could sit with your beloved one and tell them in a calm tone of voice that you have been feeling hurt by something he did or is still doing, and also expressing very precisely what your expectation is about what you want him to change. You really need to know for yourself clearly what needs to happen in order for you to know that this relationship is working.

Also, don't be disappointed even if he feels offended by this despite the calm way in which you addressed it. Sometimes negative emotions are inevitable, especially when we are talking about something that bothers us about or partner - fact is, they cannot be happy about it. Try to validate his feelings in this process too. What matters most is that hereby you will do the best you can to manage how you express your anger and not letting it out on him.

I hope this helps ❤️