My brain struggles to label what I experienced at 19

When I was 19 I was in a abusive relationship where I was frequently coerced into having sex when I didnt want it, but my brain doesnt know if I have the ‘right to call it rape. It has had some long term impacts on me, physical and psychological, and yet I feel guilty whenever I consider labeling it as rape.

In news stories you hear of horrific scenes of women being forcibly knocked out or held at weapon point when they get raped. My experience doesnt fit that. I did get over powered and pinned down on a few occasions. And once he bit down on my arm and said he would keep biting harder if I didnt stop crying. After that I eventually I stopped resisting so I wouldnt have to deal with explaining to people why I had bruises in weird places. Can I call it rape if I gave up resisting to avoid further harm?

At one point I had tried to tell some close friends what I experienced. I was told ‘its not rape if youre dating them. Not surprisingly, I stopped being friends with those people. I think this is where my brain gets the most confused.

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