Long story involving, wife, kids, mental health and my best friend.
This is a very long story but I'm at a point where I need help, as it has driven me to the point of such high depression, I will try to make it short though.
My wife and I have 2 children, an 8 year old diagnosed with ADHD and a 3 year old who has growing disorders (almost 4 years old but he's smaller than a 2 year old). My wife has always been a very sexual person at least until just before our second child was born. She basically turned into mommy mode and has no time or interest in me. So for about 4 years now, I've been neglected, and in those 4 years I can count how many times we've had sex on my fingers and everytime was me having to try to initiate it. I have tried discussing it with her but she seems like she has no interest in it at all. I've tried getting her to try supplements, or seeing a doctor but she just doesn't seem like it's a problem. To make matters worse my kids do not like me at all, so they purposely do things to make me mad and when I shout or try to discipline them, she turns against me. I'm constantly being blamed which has pushed me further into a depression.
It extends even more with my best friend as we have a very complicated and unusual relationship, I think this may be suited for a different thread though, or perhaps a specific person for 1 on 1.
@BLFennell
A couple can have a lot of issues when dealing with children and it is bigger if kids have issues or diagnosis.
If the lack of any desire for intimacy after a child is born it can be hormonal and you made the suggestion to see a dr. This can be depression on her as well. Does she have any other depression like symptoms. I know it is extremely frustrating and painful to be rejected by our partner. if kids are having problems and act as if they hate you. does she vent her frustration in front of them? if she seems unhappy they may assume it is you. i went through a depression and tensed up when spouse came home not because he was the issue but because he was NOT giving me the support and or comfort i needed . Our kids then assumed it was his fault.
maybe make time for you to both seek counseling either together or separate. It is clear that the s3xless marriage is not going to work as that really kills many relationships .. if you want to save relationship ... decide how to reconnect ... when it is one sided all we can do is to lay down our defenses and speak from the heart. Find out why by deep listening and figuring what is behind it.
Honestly, I thought in the beginning she stopped feeling attractive so I was telling her constantly, I booked her a private boudoir session, so she can see just how beautiful she is. But it didn't do anything, she doesn't seem depressed at all, mind you depression can sometimes go unnoticed. I try to tell her I'm depressed, but she shrugs it off like I'm just exaggerating or something.
I know the kids take her side due to things from the past, she would often yell when they get out of line, but if I yell, then I'm the one out of line. And she comes down on me for it. I always thought in parenting that it's a team effort but for me it feels like I can't do anything right and everyone hates me for it.
Sadly this is only the start as it then extends into issues with other family, work, my best friend. Just feels like everything piles on at once.
@BLFennell
Yes it does.................. there is no Time out in life / the carousel never stops. Parenting should be a team sport but sounds like she is undermining your part.... which happens we do not mean to do it but if parents have issues we kind of get kids on " our side".
depression is an all encompassing term these days so maybe wrong term but something is bothering her ...
when i had serious disconnect it was not about feeling attractive but connected emotionally. that is harder to fix then saying "you look good". Although i would welcome a compliment from spouse.
try to remember before kids what fun things not specific item but did you talk for hours and do silly things ? did you be spontaneous and spur of moment .... those seem to disappear with kids. staying up talking is "i need sleep they will be up early" or "work" etc.... we go thru our days and think someday we will take or MAKE the time to reconnect .......when we do the person laying next to us is a stranger and we have very little left in common.
People change as well and when we are on auto pilot .....we miss the change and then in my case spouse brings home a treat i no longer like and wants me to be super excited or worse brings home his favorite and tells me it is mine as well this says i have disappeared and am only an extension. being taken for granted is a horrible feeling and most of time spouse does not see that they are doing it.