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I messed up

Azurzan August 17th

I'm really not sure what the appropriate topic is. But I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We met for the first time early this year. Everything was going great, intimacy was great. A few weeks ago, we were having a nsfw conversation,  just silly talk, and he asked me questions on how someone could even do something (perverted), but I think he mightve asked rhetorically,  but I answered him literally. I stupidly brought up an instance in my past where I witnessed a man do the act. This man touched me as a child, so when I brought this up, my boyfriend immediately went silent and the topic was changed. I noticed over the days he wasn't as cheery. And then a week or two ago, I managed to find out the whole time he was hurt by me. I made him feel I was comparing him to that kind of person, and that completely turned him off, he doesn't see me intimately anymore. We haven't had intimacy in a little over a month. We used to like every week. We talked about it, I did my best to express to him I did not intend for what I said to come out that way, he is not at all one of those people, but I don't know what else I can do. Intimacy helps me feels desired and wanted. He still talks to and listens to me everyday. Everything is normal except intimacy. I need help, what can I do to help him not feel this way

2
toughTiger6481 August 17th

@Azurzan

I am sorry you are feeling like you said something wrong.... but you shared a truth that he evidently

could not handle or understand. In LDR i found they like the light and fun things but sometimes when we get deeper they pull back... he might have questions or assumptions about if your past trauma is something you related to this. this situation probably needs a deeper discussion ... you could wait to see if he comes around or address the situation head on to iron it out.  

PineTreeTree August 17th

@Azurzan Things might go back to normal on their own given time. If you don’t want to wait for that, tell him you miss the intimacy and you hope that soon things go back to the way they were but that you’ll wait for when he’s ready. Ask him to let you know if there is anything you can do to make him more comfortable. But give him a lot of space and no pressure. He seems to have a lot of complex emotions around this. Maybe he was abused. You definitely don’t want to go digging for the cause or bring up his past trauma (if it exists).