Developing tendancies

Ever since I was younger I've been fascinated by the idea of violence in very select forms, even at the young ages of three-four. At those ages of course, I couldn't quite comprehend 'violence' and I used to play with my toys where one was trapped or kidnapped and another one toy would have to save her. Even now it is something I can remember very clearly.

I hate to say I was 'sexually awakened' early because I wasn't. I knew what sex was from quite a young age because I was told when I was around six or seven, but in recent years I've realised that there was definetely a crossover between my subconcious knowledge of sex from a young age and what I thought of.

For as long as I remember, I have always managed to create a scenario in my head one way or another in which I was kidnapped or in pain for some reason (I used to be really into the PJ books when I was around 9-10 so I used to pretend I was an OC from the books and was stabbed or something, don't ask I have no idea either).

One thing that I have always remembered is that when I watched Tarzan a few years ago, there was an actress who was tied up on a chair for some reason or another and her dress 'poofed' out over the rope slightly, and to this day that is an image I find extremely attractive. Despite that, I hate watching other people get hurt, I can't stand anything gore related, I'm have the leadership skills of a rock and I don't particularly like other peoples' blood. So I know I'm nowhere near the sadist or dominant type.

According to my research on the topic I'm an insurmountable amount of years early for developing or understanding BDSM tendacies-I never really understood it so I consulted google then a few psychological papers.

I have done a lot of reading into the topic, but most of it seems to be adult-orientated (not surprising at all), but if anyone knows any good websites or research then I would love to read it.

Thank you