very conflicted
Hi everyone.
I am struggling with some of my thoughts lately. I am not longer attracted to my bf, physically or emotionally... I still care about him as a friend and want the best for him. I want to leave the relationship but it is so hard because I am scared that I will fail financially and I haven't lived on my own in 10+ years. Next month we'll be together 10 years.
Another thing I'm conflicted about is that we have 3 cats together. The oldest cat is the one that I brought into the relationship, one we raised from a kitten and the last we sort of adopted from the outside. The outside cat I took to all her dr appts for check ups, shots, and to get her fixed.
I am sure that I can't/won't take all 3 with, but definitely the oldest one. I am just not sure what to do because I really feel like I would be leaving my children behind and I worry about making the cats depressed in my absence (they are momma's girls!).
I just know that I will be happier on my own. When I think about the future I want for myself, I see me doing things on my own and not with a partner. I'd greatly appreciate any thoughts or if anyone can relate to my situation. Also, any tips on how to end or cope with ending a long-term relationship.
Thanks for listening!
@aquaEyes275
You are not alone .... it is very hard to break up and move on you have invested your time and efforts into a life that no longer works.....i am in the same boat.....I have ZERO attraction to him anymore and his touch makes my skin crawl anymore.
yes my finances will be different that is true of any couple separating. ....... i walk through the house thinking ... i want this and he can have that...... every day try to picture what my place will look like.
i don't want the dog even though he will be miserable without me..... when we moved about 10 yrs ago we were done with pets .... free to travel and go not worry about accidents on the rug etc but he just HAD to have a dog ......adopted an older dog and as twisted as it sounds i will feel free to leave if dog passes.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for responding. I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. It is certainly not a fun experience. I do the same thing, walk around thinking "this will come with me, but that I don't care for." I also cringe at my partner's touch anymore and I really hate it.
When I got my oldest cat, I was at a very low point in my life and she was all I had and if not for her to care for, I probably would not be here today. I plan on getting her certified for international travel within the next year or so, but I need to have your mentality for the other 2 cats. While I know they will be miserable (and I will also miss them) I need to trust that he still knows how to take care of them without me around... Sadly, it is one of the things holding me back...
After this many years, it is harder to think about dividing everything and letting so much go, than it is the emotional aspect of it.
@aquaEyes275
I just wanted you to know you are not alone.......
I understand how you feel about the cats but as we find little things to stay for ...another one pops up and sooner or later more years have passed. i used to know some people had horrible time after leaving but in reality they were stronger then me they did it instead of pondering every thing they are giving up.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you, and I appreciate you!
You are right, I need to be willing to let more go. I forget how strong and independent I used to be before this relationship. I also have others in my life that I see that are able to let go and move on and deal with the pains that come along with breakups and taking hard steps.
The hardest part is starting. I really appreciate you commenting on my post. It is good to know I am not alone in feeling this way. I hope you can find the peace and the strength you need in the future as well.