Wife cheated on me and we ended up living polygamy life
Need to share my real incident.Bieng a husband I was cheated and when interrogated ended up in polygamy and now she left him and is with me.
Being married with two grownup kids where elder one into 9th grade was like life going as expected as usual.But in reality came to know that my wife was cheating on me from last six months with our immediate neighbour who is younger to me. It happened like she never had a love affair in her entire life and she was living with me as a wife and in recent times I was more focused into my career and work life all culminated feeling made her to fell on him . He is though one of the nicest neighbour I had but never thought that he would cheat.
They used to have sex almost every week either at my place or at his place as being close neighbour nobody gave a second thought and the dangerous thing happened is that they got really emotionally attached .
How I found is that she became more careful about dressing, trying to keep herself fit and beautiful, spending more time in chatting.started.taking mobile inside bathroom forced me to monitor her and cracked her whatsapp and spied their chat to confirm their relationship.
Instead of confronting or fighting or even thinking about divorce considering kids and the consequences it can create to all three life's and kids me decided to handle it differently. I told her that I am aware what's going on what made her to do it and all. She told me what has happened but not told not regretting as she actually fell in love with him and she is so much emotionally attached to him in this 6 months and cannot forget him though she wants me with whom she is married for 15 years and also wanted kids as well. As there were few incidents where I didn't give respect to her family and importance to her and for last one year i could not spend good time with her all made her to think not regretting on what she did...
I then first spoke to him through her that I knew all and I am fine with it and need to discuss. After considering their emotional bondage and the intensity in which all happened i thought to try to handle it in different way as any of my strict punishment or fighting will end up in either one of them or both might committing suicide or run away as i also have to consider our kids, extended family, relatives, friends and neighbours. He is also not having a good relationship with his wife and they not having any kids.
Basis joint discussion I told them to continue what's going on but with my knowledge and what ever they want to do ..they can do it in my presence..living like polygamy. I then created or made opportunity to make them comfort to touch, kiss and caress in front of me and in around a week time we ended up in threesome. Later on he used to come as when he wants and sleep with us and have sex with her in our bedroom where I just watch and having a common chat group. We three became very close all going happy roaming along with his wife and all like one family where kids and others still see him as neighbour and not aware of anything what's going on including his wife.
After a month or two slowly my mind started feeling that this is not right I am being getting more possessive about her. I was giving indirect messages to them like setting days for them to meet and all. Frequency got reduced to once a week and then once in two weeks. Asking them to reduce chatting and all is she is also being advised by me of all consequences this can create if our kids or some one or his wife comes to know. I think she might got to understand my love ot lost interest on him.no idea she stopped chatting with him and avoid seeing him and I just followed her way which he understood that he is no more wanted to be part of out family.
We then totally ignored him..and me now talks only when we meet accidentally and find all way to avoid meeting each other as we being immediate neighbour. We stopped informing about our whereabouts or trip plan and stopped giving goodies as well.
Now It's almost 6 months we are like this living husband and wife with kids happy family. So now doubt
1) Is she intentionally doing this to save our marriage and kids
2) or she still meeting him or talking to him secretly as she stopped using WhatsApp
3) he is still there even after all these..it could be of their long time plan to live next to next so that they can attest see each other
Am I doing correct or do you think whether I have to do differently please advise 🙏
If something is eating at you, and your compass is saying you’re going in an unhealthy territory I’d have to agree that this is certainly unusual and presents more than a few issues.
if you were to imagine a man who had everything going for him (looks,money,babes, etc had this same issue. Would he have decided to do the same thing or wash his hands of the situation? wouldn’t you deserve the same level of respect?
Rebuilding trust is like a shattered china plate that has all the visible Elmer’s glue veins. The stain is there even if you’ve got an ugly eyesore plate and everyone can see it a mile away. Also the fact that this man is married and his wife is in the dark is just outrageous. Secret poly relationship is not a healthy model for kids or anyone for that matter. I guess at this point the advice I have is this.
1. Accept your wife as-is and stop fantasizing life will ever be normal again accept sharing her with whomever she decides to extend your relationship to. Accept that there are no boundaries.
2. Accept that the woman you loved has evolved and you are not compatible with the 2.0 version.
unless you plan to leave, you will have to accept her behavior and lack of respect for your needs as a monogamous man. There is no point in discussing seeing as she didn’t value you enough to ask permission to cheat in the first place. She isn’t going to value an ultimatum.
your kids are relying on you to be the best version of yourself, so that you have the bandwidth for them. If this situation is interfering with you being well, it’s gotta go.
whatever you decide to do, picture your life 1 year from now and imagine both outcomes and see how that idea sits with you. Personally, to think you could still be dealing with this situation in the years to come would be worst case scenario over a short but manageable heartache.
@Dubain
I feel for your situation and i can give you the perspective from the other side.......
you noticed she took care of herself and looked better..... bet there were smiles you did not understand..... spent time chatting etc......... UNTIL you cracked the password and read about the affair..........
what did you do to win her back? .... not just confront her after the fact or sadly accept an odd arrangement hoping she would stay and not have your world fall apart..........
what as a spouse and lover did you do to win her back ? ....
did you find out what she was getting from the relationship with him ?.................it is much MORE then sex it is having emotional needs met ......that is why they bonded. If you wish she felt about you like that you need to be different.
did she ask you to do things for the relationship? or share her feelings of being lonely or wanting some connection?
I am not accusing just asking because ..... my spouse ignores me .... too lazy to even assume i would look elsewhere ....he thinks i should just be happy cause he sees nothing wrong ........i told him i was LONELY with him here and he MOCKED me.........
he is a good provider and thinks because of that I should worship the ground he walks on .......
People men and women cheat because they are NOT being heard or given attention they crave.......NOTHING will be the same after .......
her feelings have changed.............. i know mine have and even if my emotional affair ends i will NEVER look at or feel the same about my spouse ........I doubt i EVER will..... again.
she may be making the best for the family but that can only go on for so long ..... and she will be miserable UNLESS things change. Staying there miserable will show your kids marriages are awful and effect their future relationships as well.
Unless you reignite what made you a couple to begin with ..... make her smile and laugh ... make her feel attractive and sexy ..... appreciate HER for HER ...........
Forget expecting her to stay because kids/ money or the mess it will cause.......do you feel good knowing those are reasons she is staying cause i DO NOT see you in the list of reasons.
instead ask yourself if you love her......... what to do to make that connection again.......
