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What is this relationship?

User Profile: warmheartedApple5285
warmheartedApple5285 April 6th, 2021

I am a bit confused and I’d appreciate any insight. I’d like to figure out what’s going on here. I spent most of my adult life in an abusive relationship and it made me very weary and also doubtful of myself. It’s been years that I left that relationship but it obviously left it’s deep marks in me as there was emotional and sexual abuse as well as limiting my freedom and denying me studies and going out on my own. But fast-forward to this day. I have known one guy for over a year now. He became a good friend and his been a listening ear and my biggest “cheerleader”. He noticed my insecurities and is always telling me how well I am doing or encouraging me by saying that there isn’t anything that I can’t accomplish when I set my mind to it. After years of being called useless and no good in anything, this friendship has been very healing to me. I have gained a lot of self confidence over the past year and the inner negative talk that I had before has started to subside. We talk every day. Our mornings begin with messaging each other and wishing each other a good day. During the day he’ll text me telling me about his day or just to ask me how I am doing. And in the evening we wish each other good night. This happens without exception every single day. We live rather far from each other but have met several times. And now... I think I have fallen in love with him. Or I don’t know. It feels safe being with him and I never have to fear for a reaction or anger nor choose my words carefully. The ease I feel with him is just... amazing. But here’s the thing: he has called me family several times and also his little sister. That’s what confuses me. And that’s why I haven’t yet told him about having feelings for him even though I think it’s easy to see how I feel. I am also a bit concerned that if I tell him that I have romantic feelings for him, he might back up and I lose this very special friendship we have. I don’t know why it’s so easy talking with him about anything else but voicing my feelings is like the biggest hurdle ever. People around me think that we have a romantic relationship as we’re so close and they don’t believe it when I tell them that we’re friends. So what is this? I guess the only way to find out is talking with him about this. But I am afraid I will end up losing my best friend 😕.

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User Profile: sally2345986
sally2345986 April 7th, 2021

@warmheartedApple5285 I would just talk to him about maybe developing a relationship but there no rush to be in one its best to go on dates and see if there is compatibility but with the virus Idk how that would work.

1 reply
User Profile: warmheartedApple5285
warmheartedApple5285 OP April 7th, 2021

Yeah, I totally agree there’s no rush. I think that for me this relationship, being whatever it is, is just really precious. And I think that has also awakened my feelings.

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User Profile: affectionateNest5633
affectionateNest5633 April 7th, 2021

Honestly if you feel you like the guy. I would say go for it. No one spends time with each other without interest. Whether they knew it was there or not. If this man is truly your friend and he doesn’t have the same feelings then he will still be your friend. I would just talk to him the same way you posted.

1 reply
User Profile: warmheartedApple5285
warmheartedApple5285 OP April 7th, 2021

I don’t know what makes it so scary talking about this as otherwise I feel at total ease with him. But I guess I should tell it to him exactly like that.

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User Profile: warmheartedApple5285
warmheartedApple5285 OP April 7th, 2021

I think what’s scaring me is that I have never had a relationship like this. My experience with relationships is pretty much limited to almost two decades of abuse 😔.