So over it

Last night my husband and I were at my brothers house for Halloween. He drank too much and told me to drive home. I looked at him and panicked about not having my license with me (forgot my purse at home with keys) and my concern for deer since it was so late and dark out. We live in an area full of deer and a buck almost hit my car the other night. Of course I was going to drive home because I'd rather risk me driving with no license than him driving intoxicated. He got mad at me and said I embarrassed him up front of everyone because I didn't happily agree to drive him home and that I should just do it without complaining. I told him that I was driving and that I was just telling him my concern at first. He then went on about it saying I am a bad driver and that I needed to drive more. That I need to be like other people's wives and drive them around happily. Then kept going on and on and told me i'm crazy. I told him that I am driving just fine and the only issue was him nagging at me and heightening my anxiety. He kept going on nonstop nagging at me and I told him atleast 5 times to please stop arguing with me because I'm trying to concentrate driving because there's a lot of deer out. ( we live in the country and 40 minute drive home). He said I have too much anxiety from driving and I told him my anxiety stems from him arguing with me while I'm driving and told him to put some music on. He didn't do it and told me again that I'm an awful driver because of my anxiety. Anyways, it was 15 minutes of him arguing with me and I finally was over it and told him to shut the *** up. Which I know was mean but I didn't know how else to shut him up so I can concentrate. I don't normally cuss ever. I've been on edge lately and learning about narcissist and can 100% say my husband is one. I've been so controlled and gaslighted from him and last night I was so over it and finally had my voice for once. He never lets me have an opinion and always shuts me down. I feel so lost and lonely. All my family loves him and when I tried talking to them they don't believe me because he is a nice guy around them. But when he's alone with me he's a completely different person , it's scary. I keep saying nobody is perfect. I know I'm not. But the things he has said to me and the controlling is getting to be too much. Whenever I try to bring up anything he blames me and turns it around on me. He slammed the car door and house door when we got home and didn't talk to me until the morning. He told me to never talk to him like that ever again and that he would never talk to me like that, that he's done nothing but nice things for me and shows his love for me in every way possible and that I repay him by telling him to shut the *** up last night. I think I let out a small laugh and he didn't enjoy that. All of the emotional abuse he has put me through for 11 years and he's clueless. He withholds sex and insults me and tells me he's not attracted to me. He forces me to give him bjs when I yell him no. He doesn't kiss or cuddle me. There is no love.