Sexual compatibility
This might be kind of a niche problem but has anyone had their significant other come out with a fetish many years into their relationship? What my husband wants and what I want is unfortunately in conflict now. He wants a stag/vixen relationship and I don't have the desire or personality for it.
He initially said it didn't have to change anything if I wasn't down, but I feel like it's consumed our sex life. The main issue is that things are taking longer and longer, presumably because he's sort of lost the fantasy by me knowing and not taking it up, and it's taking a huge hit on my self-esteem. It feels like he isn't attracted to ME so much as me in these scenarios, and while I understand the nature of a fetish and I'm not judging, it just makes things feel doomed.
The funny thing is that sleeping around would fix all our issues - make him happy, make me feel wanted both by him and others - but damn if I just want my husband, and somehow I find myself in a backwards world where that's a bad thing.
@Blissbabe
If this was a some idea he came up with as you said years into a relationship it may be he just wants see if you will go along and he really has not though this out. IF this was his real thing it would have come up early in relationship.
Many who think this is something they want or suggest it ......
many find out they are NOT thrilled with this in real practice. I have had a friends who something similar ........ they are now divorced and one spouse is involved with one of the other people. Ruined 2 marriages and friends who were forced to chose sides......... we walked away.
@toughTiger6481 He claims it's been a thing since early on in our marriage but he knew I wouldn't want it. It's always taken him a long time, if you catch my drift, so it kind of explains things. I've tried some low-commitment stuff related to the fetish and have seen how much it does for him, so I'm not really in doubt of it, but I absolutely have concerns like you've mentioned. He says he's 100% sure, but I see so many ways it could go wrong, not the least of which would be falling for someone else. I'm the sort to need a mental/emotional attraction before the physical comes and there's no reality in which that works with this lifestyle. It'd be pretty hard for me to be into the casual thing.
@Blissbabe
I get that too ....... I have never been a person just to hook up with out at least some connection/ attraction... do I see this person as someone i could hang out with? ....
because the people into this too may be a small crowd to chose from.
@toughTiger6481 Yes, exactly, and from a sexual health standpoint I'd rather keep it limited anyway - but that just opens the door to getting to know people more personally. We've had conversation after conversation about how it might work and I've given it serious consideration, but I can't help but feel like I'd be giving too much of myself. I swing back and forth between trying it at least once and just putting it to rest, but with the way things have been going between us, it doesn't feel like we can just go back to how things were now.
Thank you for your input and support btw