Separation. Anyone know how to cope?
Hello everyone. I am currently separated from my wife. We are still living in the same home. She barely speaks to me and I've tried everything. She hasn't asked me to leave. We also have 3 kids that are hers. I'm the stepdad. She won't talk to me unless she has to. I've done research on attachment theory and she fits the dismissive avoidant to the letter. I definitely am working on my anxious tendencies. But the lack of talking, especially intimacy is driving me crazy. I miss touch so much. I just miss her. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?
@ShamrockViking
Each relationship is different ... if you are still living together is it because you both want to work on things or a matter of financial convenience ? Have you discussed perhaps counseling or where this goes from here.... Both options needs communication.
For some people when they are not communicating and seem to think the almost silent treatment is going to get YOU to make any changes they want ... it is difficult to make progress. Have you worked on you and what you want....
Set goals for resolving issues or moving on.... when she knows this is NOT maintainable indefinitely it will spur conversation
specific goals that are measurable/ achievable and have a time limit. For the touch issue have you considered massage therapy.
@toughTiger6481 I understand what you are saying. I don't know why we are still living together to be honest. I want to work it out. I want us to work on things and get counsel, etc. But she is very adamant about me working on myself and eventually we come back together. But there is no end, no timeline. I pay for everything. Have for the last 3 years. I don't want to say that it is just financial. Because I am willing to pay for everything and to work on us. But she doesn't have any motivation to do so. I love her. I love my kids. I want US to work. But the silent treatment is not on my end. I want to talk. But every time we talk it ends up with her dismissing my feelings and saying she is too busy to talk about OUR stuff. It's a big mess. But I have hope. It's a weird kind of hope. Maybe it's because I am a man of faith. I believe in a God of miracles. But she is right in that I need to work on me. Hence why I'm here. I don't know anything beyond that I need to work on myself and we get further apart. It's some unending timeline that she has in her head. But there is no effort or anything from her or on her part. I don't want to give up on my marriage. But maybe I need to accept the reality that she has. And that I am just being used at this point. I hate saying that because I want to see the good in her. That it isn't malicious. But I have done my fair share of damage in this marriage with my own issues. I won that. Anyways, it's a lot.
@ShamrockViking
I totally get where you are coming from as I have been in similar situation.
We can work on ourselves all we want but unless you interact she would not even Know what changes you have made... it is like learning new skills without the ability to show them off ...depends on having an opportunity. If she is in no hurry consider why.... if you are paying for all .......she is using you why does she not need to work on being selfish. I know you love her and kids you would not have stayed in a bad situation without love and sense of commitment.
it is a miserable way to live i have done it.
