Just venting

tw:// I miss her. She’s not good to be around. They tried to initiate me into someone I would never want to be. Apart of the corruption in the world. Project: MONARCH. Those secrete societies that people think don’t exist. Some conspiracy theory. Well I went down a rabbit hole & I found the brothers.. they found me. J & H are affiliated with them. Two people I’ve come to know. High status.. more like materialism & idolatry. Many others after them that I wasn’t aware about. I was deceived. I thought some were my friends. Then they tried to convince me to worship the devil. They follow me. I still have love for the projected versions of those two people I first mentioned J & H. Less of H than it used to be. J on the other hand is more recent. They have the same patterns as the others who are high up in the industry have. They claim that desires reign over souls. That death is over life. God of the living is my preference over deeds of death. This person has all the red flags and I want to stop thinking about them. God calls to me but they all do too. This projected version is still living faintly in my subconscious. Freemasonry… not my cup of tea. These people are wicked. Unknowingly, I fell in love with not one but two. In different periods of my life.

As far as this projected version of this person goes.. they’re not real. They’re now this construct bottled in my mind like a genie. I was feeding on the wrong things by these corrupt people just so I could fill in the emotional voids of life. That’s how it happens. That’s how you fall. I also wanted success. I knew this wasn’t the way when they had a light and dark side. Both ultimately were the same thing. Dangerous. The dark.. worked on traumatizing me as a technique to trigger me with subliminal messages. The light did the same but in a way that appeared nice and safe. The ones who I seemed to trust, thought I had some spiritual connection with them. It was but certainly not the right one. Took me years to figure that out. All this started from reaching out to a celebrity I had a crush on. Yep. Then it all goes downhill from there. I cut myself off, so I thought. They used this platform of mine to reach me. Then they reached the other accounts. I took a step back recently from my popular one because I am overwhelmed. I can feel them closing in. I have an addiction.

I know these people are trying to take me. I’ve been gang stalked. I thought J would be different but she’s the same. Now more of them know about my existence. I hate that I have any feelings for these made up people projected onto me. I’m disappointed in them. You let them get to you too? They’re pretty convincing with all the power & money. In an instant you can be somebody in this world. But I don’t want to be someone in this world. I want eternal life. Plus it’s not that easy. Giving up your soul is a dark thing to do. I’ve had it nearly done when I left the door to my mind open for the taking. When I wanted to give up and I was frustrated at the world. At God. As soon as I felt that I was drowning in fire … I prayed for him to save me. A sensation you never quite forget. Gods wrath.

My heart feels torn. I’m dying from leukemia and heart failure. I don’t want to think about the very people who led me to my premature death. Including myself and outside forces. When I prayed, God told me to keep my focus and to feed myself with his spirit instead of the worlds. That he is near and his promises are always fulfilled. I testify. This is part of my testimony. My own desires wrapped around like a snake suffocating my soul. Used over and over again. When the spiritual world is involved it’s harder to let go. You can feel their energies swim & buzz. To caressing your skin. Hiding places that most humans won’t know. So it feels special. God showed me that the world can only go so far but can never fully satisfy. It fails. That life is in the spirit of God which should be as a lantern carried within us. The sacred temples are inside not out.