I need advice
I need advice and to see if I am overthinking or overreacting in my relationship. I have been with my guy for a little over a year, and we have been calling each other babe and baby. Last night, we got into an argument regarding calling me more by my name when he is always saying babe. I asked him to please not call me by my name, as it does not feel personal and loving, and he said that this was my issue and to him it is more personal, as he has called other people babe and noone by my name. I told him it is giving me friends vibes vs us being in a relationship. He said to let it go and continues to call me by my name. We also went on a date over the weekend where he did not show any type of PDA and told me that he does not like PDA and will not change that. I know it seems ridicoulous to by fighting over endearment names but why the sudden shift and every time I ask questions he says that I am causing drama and creating unproductive episodes. Am I overreacting? Or is he trying to pull away emotionally more and more and doesn't know how to break things off? I am big on communication and affection and he isn't. He sent me a message today again with my name and a kiss emoji clearly did not care what I was feeling about calling me by my name. He is 25 years older than me and he says he thinks and do things differently but clearly his behaviors have not worked in the past and it is starting not to work for me either. But again when I bring up my feelings they get dismissed.
@mimi41
You are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard and respected in your relationship. What you’re describing isn’t just about a name it’s about feeling emotionally connected, valued, and understood.
The fact that he dismisses your feelings and calls them "drama" or "unproductive episodes" is concerning. In a healthy relationship, even if partners don’t see eye to eye, they still try to acknowledge and respect each other's emotions. Instead, he’s shutting you down and refusing to compromise. That’s not fair to you.
The name thing, the lack of PDA, the unwillingness to communicate it’s not ridiculous. It’s a pattern of emotional distance, and you’re picking up on that because it’s real. You’re not imagining things or being unreasonable.
You said it yourself: communication and affection are important to you. If he isn’t willing to meet you halfway, you’ll always feel like you’re asking for too much when in reality, you’re just asking for basic emotional reciprocity. The age gap aside, relationships should feel like a partnership, not like one person is being dismissed while the other refuses to adjust at all.
I won’t tell you what to do, but I will say this: your needs matter. If you’re constantly feeling unheard, unseen, and unappreciated, then you deserve better. You deserve someone who cherishes you in the way that makes you feel loved not just in the way that’s convenient for them.
@16peacefulBraveheart01 I really appreciate this. I always tell him, am I asking for too much? Or I will tell him I am not asking much but for your love and affection. I do deserve better, and I love him so much and dearly, but his behavior and patterns hurt tremendously. I do not know how to walk away, but it is getting to that point that I need to for my peace and mental health. It has been extremely hard to walk away from him.
@mimi41
I know leaving is hard. It’s terrifying, because love keeps us tethered, even when it hurts. But I also know that staying in something that chips away at your self-worth will slowly drain the light from you. You deserve peace just as much as you deserve love and real love should never come at the expense of your peace.
Whatever you choose, know that you are not weak for struggling with this. You are human. And no matter what happens next, you are not alone. I see you. I believe in you. And you will find your way to the love and peace you deserve—whether it’s with him or without him.
Thank you so much for your kind words! He continues to do it all day yesterday and last night. It’s very disappointing. I will walk away even though it’s extremely hard.
@mimi41
Choose yourself dear