I’m starting to like someone else, what do I do?
Hello everyone, I would like to ask your opinion on something I’m going through right now. These are the characters in my story.
Me - Female, in a relationship, in my 20s
My boyfriend - In a relationship with him for 2.5 years already
Mr. X - Someone who I think is awesome, a great friend and someone who I respect a lot
My boyfriend and the good days are good but sometimes I have a really turbulent relationship. We fight almost every week. I keep on being patient with him thinking maybe he will change and respond correctly if I tell him what’s wrong and why we fight. We are currently in another fight and I’ve talked with him, although not perfectly, regarding how I’m feeling and he just stonewalls me, he didn’t even respond when I was talking to him. He’s always like that and I get frustrated because I feel like I’m not heard. I’m already contemplating that maybe we aren’t compatible and maybe I should end this relationship but I really feel bad about about it, about how we both will be sad, we both love each other still, and about how all my patience did not bear fruit. Deep inside I still want to give him more chances so I’m waiting for him to initiate conversation(which he RARELY or even never does).
Now here comes mr. X, he’s a long-term friend of mine, we(including my bf) spend time together but I am closer to mr. X because he often asks me for advice about different topics. I never really saw him as a potential partner, but recently, he’s been making what I think are flirty remarks like “Isn’t your character better paired of with mine?” Or something like that, like he’s trying to imply that we could be in a relationship. I thought it was just me, that it was just a friendly joke, but others are noticing it as well. Idk I just respect him so much and suddenly I feel like I’m starting to have a thing for him and I’m starting to think that he might be better than mu bf. And it’s getting complicated because he’s being so flirty and I’m in a turbulent phase with my bf. I know I am just craving affection that my bf could not give me.
I want to confront Mr. X on why he keeps on giving me those remarks, is it ok while I’m still in a relationship? If he says he likes me I’m not even sure what I want to do. I’m conflicted. Please help me and please give me your advise :(
I'm sorry you are going through a hard time in your current relationship. Fighting constantly with your significant other can put a serious strain on your relationship, and it doesn't seem like he's willing to sit down and talk to try and works things out any time soon. There always the possibility of trying couples therapy. But of course who knows if he would be willing to go through with that. It may or may not work but sometimes there needs to be an ultimatum put in place. Maybe tell him if he's not willing to listen and talk with you and try to fix things, then maybe this isn't going to work out in the long run and it'll be best for you both if you ended up leaving this relationship. Giving him an ultimatum might just make him listen, or it might not and he won't care. Either way the situation seems like it can go either, or. Now as for you friend Mr X. He seems like a genuine friend. Maybe he happens to see your situation and feels that he is a better match, hence the sudden flirting? I definitely would speak to your friend about his flirtation and see if he does harbour feelings so that you can at least find out and figure out what your next move it. Personally I wouldn't say it's wrong to talk to him about it because if it is just gonna be a discussion then there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. If you were gonna do something upon whether his answer is a yes he is onto you then yeah of course it would be wrong seeing as your still in a relationship even if it might not be very stable right now. Anyway I wish you luck and I'm sure things will work out regardless of your decision.
Hello, thank you so much for taking the time to read and understand what I’m going through, it makes me feel better and stronger.
Maybe you’re right, maybe I should ask mr. X about why he’s suddenly acting that way. After thinking about it, maybe the correct thing to do is apologize that I won’t be able to answer to him at the moment, if he says yes, since I’m still waiting on my bf.
I’m scared that it will ruin our friendship or make it awkward, but I can’t leave it hanging as well, it’s taking head space. I guess I have to be brave.
Your welcome and right, you gotta kinda take a leap of faith on this one. Plus if he happens to do have feelings and if he really does care about you, your friend will surely stick around no matter what answer you give them. But I also hope things work out all around. Good luck you got this 👍
@mylkcha
So a long term friend whom has seen you having regular fights etc with your relationship has said a few things that have you questioning things..........
That is what good friends do ..... they do not want to tell you what to do but by showing you there are better matches even your friend it has you looking deeper in is your current relationship really working?
on the other hand maybe he sees something in you he had not before and is making a subtle play either way you are analyzing the situation and know you need to fix the fighting with current or move on
Hello, thank you so much for your comment. This comment is such an eye opener for me. Now that you say it, his flirting might just be a friendly way to make me realize something. Which if it is, it reinforces that I really should go and confront him to clarify what he really meant.
I’m happy to know you think that’s he’s a good friend based on what little details about him I disclosed. I think he’s a good friend too and I want to continue being friends with him even after I talk to him about it.
I guess the hard part really boils down to whether I let my bf go or not, regardless if my friend is in the equation or not. In the end, it’s a decision that’s up to me isn’t it?
@mylkcha
Yes it is all up to you........
i just posted one possibility.............. based on items you shared. i hope all works out well for you.
I think there is a reason why you went into a relationship with your BF and I would make him and you remind what you both are, what you both love and what your goals are. If you respect Mr.X it is maybe also because you don’t know the deep personal things about him that make him look weak infront of you like you know from your boyfriend. This means that you are in a deep relationship since you know the hood and bad parts of him. But like it’s asked in good and bad times, you should consider it bad times and it’s both of you that need to put 100% for the the other. I think the time you spend thinking about a relationship with another man will not help your current relationship much and since you know Mr. X already for a long time and only now you are considering this, why didn’t you consider it before? I think you both need to spend some time doing something that you both have to like and keep building the bond. Help him to become a better version of himself. If he don’t go to the gym tell him to go, go with him, show him you believe in him, create goals with him and create a way to get these goals together. If you are here asking for advice I think you care a lot and if he don’t see this make him see it and make him also appreciate you.
