I am numb and broken after husband cheated
Easter 2020, started when I found my husband's phone unlocked with a message alert. For whatever reason, I opened it...I opened the message. I suppose I expected something mundane. A family member or friend. Instead, it was an "I love you" and a "I miss the way you f***ed me" from his old coworker. I look through every message, vid, and pic. Its been going on half of our marriage. Time stopped. Everything hurt.
Fast forward to today. We had a big fight. He thinks I hate him because I am not physically affectionate. I havent been in a long time. I tell him I cant be. He doesn't understand. I cant. I dont FEEL anything. I am haunted endlessly by the affair. The memories. The lies. I feel no attraction or affection for anyone or anything. I used to be a writer and artist. I havent been able to so either since Easter. Im unfocused, tired, and empty all the time. Sometimes I feel sad, frustrated, even angry...but nothing else.
It is like I slipped into the void. I wonder if I have a sort of PTSD from his affair. Is that a thing? I care about him. I think I love him still but my God, everything is numb and empty so much so that I'm not sure if I can honestly say that I love him when all I feel is nothing.
The nothing reached everything. How I feel for my family, friends, pets...my self. I dont know how I feel because I dont feel at all.
Am I crazy? What is wrong with me?
@ArtemisElf
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like the discovery you made at Easter was very traumatic for you. As a result you are likely experiencing symptoms of PTSD, along with grief (loss of the life you thought you had) and possibly even depression. There is not really anything wrong with you, this is how humans react to trauma. You may need some help moving past this and getting on with your life but what you are experiencing is natural.
I would recommend either in person counseling/therapy, online therapy with a 7 Cups professional or coming here to chat with a Listener to help you work through your feelings.
Best of luck to you. I know it is a horrible feeling to have lost interest in everything and to live with that numb feeling inside.
I too have experienced what you felt - nothingness - after I discovered my ex-girlfriend cheated on me for nearly a year. I was totally oblivious to this affair. The numbness spread to everything in my daily lives. I simply didn’t feel anything. It’s like I’m watching myself interacting and doing chores through my eyes. I’m not sure if that’s how it feels for you too. Eventually I opened up to my sisters thatI may be having depression. None of them understood what I was going through, but I suppose it was enough that they listened. Getting physical touch like hugs did help too. I gradually came out of that horrible nothingness after 2 months. I hope you work out what you need to too.
I felt this
@ArtemisElf I'm so sorry to hear this. You can absolutely have trauma from this. My therapist calls this "little t" trauma (as a opposed to "capital T" Trauma like war or assault). I agree that you should seek counseling or therapy to help you get through this. My boyfriend's ex-wife had an affair over a decade ago and believe it or not he still has trauma from it and has recently started therapy for it but I encourage you to seek help ASAP. You deserve to live your best life. We all do. Best of luck to you.
Nothing Is wrong with you, it’s only natural to react that way to such. I can imagine how you feel as I have also had to deal with continuous betrayal from my husband. His new year gift to me was divorce. We still live together and for the first few days I thought I was in a trance, and developed anxiety symptoms. Talking to a listener helped and also as a Christian I gave turned to God’s word. Now I’m more relaxed about the future even though dear often creeps in. Talking to a professional and support system that you trust, even though the pain may never go away, with time it will feel better,.