Discovered he's a cheater...
So about 2 days ago I discovered my boyfriend of 6 years spent the majority of our relationship on and off cheating on me. Never anything in person, just sneaky emails, Facebook messages, and texts. He told me it was my fault he was doing it because he wasn't happy, but also admits that he was doing it before our problems started. I still love him and want to be with him, and he says he wants to try and work things out with me. (we fight a lot) but I don't know how to get past the cheating. I can't even look at him right now, and I have to sleep in the same bed as him every night... How do I move past this?
@Validark
hi,
I am really struggling with this too. I have been with him for 2 1/2 years now and lived with him for over a year (due to lockdown.)
he has messaged a girl on a dating app and even went on to meet with her which for me has been the worst thing.
he has given his reasons and I can understand them and I have always judged a cheater to be someone not worth anyone's time. He is human and makes mistakes and I want to give him a second chance but I don't want to ever feel like this again. He has shown his remorse and is even wanting us to go to therapy to rebuild it. I just don't know anyone who has been through this and stayed and been successful (or at least no one willing to tell publicly)
I feel better when he is close because he has been my support for 2 years and the thought of not being with him is absolutely devastating. I can't tell if I am kidding myself it will be better to stay but I also know we have to work on things and change our relationship. How did this go for you?
Oh boy I am in same page . Worse that I am married and with kids . He's perfect in everything. But he has this sneaky habit and porn usage. It is hard to take divorce and start life new again . He said he changed and it was never cheating because he didn't cross the line but just messages to random females
I had discovered this too with my fiancè last year. I still don’t know what to do, we are still seeking out a couples therapist. We are gonna be together six years in total now and I just don’t know what to do.
I was this guy. I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to reply to this conversation, I hoped some insight would help.
I developed this problem as a child, lack of love and affection drove me to seek love and sex from women as an adult in unhealthy ways. Even when I was in a relationship, I couldn’t turn off my need to seek approval.
I knew I had a problem, but I thought I could manage it, and didn’t know how to stop either. I read a book that recently opened my eyes to it, and I sought help and started a 12 step group. It truly may be out of these guys’ ability to change on their own. Their problem may be somewhat out of their control, and getting help could be the only way to change.
@Tommy1971
I really appreciate your honesty and coming forward with this message. That takes a lot to come out and admit when you have done something wrong and hurtful even if it was due to the unhealthy habits engrained when younger.
I was a female who honestly went through something similar. I feel as though females do not speak up and admit this kind of stuff as much as men, but it happens. When I was in my teenage years, I was constantly seeking attention from other boys to make me feel better about myself. As I got older it kind of became an addiction in order to make myself feel loved and seen by others. Two things made me change: sexual assault and starting a new relationship.
I realized that by doing this I was putting myself at risk for sexual assault because I was being completely vulnerable with men I did not even know. Unfortunately I only realized this until I was already a victim. I also had fallen in love with a man, but did not understand why, despite loving him, I still risked the relationship to talk to random men and seek attention. I was able to overcome this with time and hard work. I worked on myself for months and he waited for me to get better. We are now in a happy, healthy relationship of 2.5 years now.
It's not easy to drop habits like this I don't think everyone understands the complexities behind it because it is not just always an emotionless desire for sex. It is putting a bandage over the wounds we didn't know how to solve for ourselves.