am i making the wrong decision?
Me and my boyfriend had a rough patch when I discovered he lied about his friendships behind my back. He denied talking to certain friends, kept in touch with female friends I wasn't comfortable with, and even mentioned considering getting back with his ex (though he never did). He said he didn’t know why he did that. He said he was scared and just wasn’t sure about giving up everything.
Despite this, I'm giving him another chance (his last) because:
• I love him deeply
• I've seen genuine efforts from him to change
• He's committed to transparency, showing me his messages
• He's prioritizing our relationship, spending quality time with me
However, I'm still struggling with trust issues, anxiety, and constant worries about what he might be hiding. I've also acknowledged my own past mistakes in the relationship, I also talked to people behind his back and never told him. I did talk to my ex as well but was transparent. We both want to change.
I'm seeking advice on whether I'm being foolish for giving him another chance or if my instincts are right in believing he's genuinely changed. Help me decide if I'm making a mistake or taking a leap of faith.
@marsbursss
Hello. I believe the trust in a relationship is a thing that should be wisely balanced between the common sense and the gut feeling. If your intuition says you should give this man, or your relationship, another chance, I think it is not only a matter of the right or wrong choices, but a matter of you believing yourself.
It is important, I think, to give yourself the right to "experiment" with new behaviours and to make decisions you are responsible for, and then make decisions again, if mistaken. For example, you can give it a second chance, but with no option for a third one.
Also, I think it is good drawing some borderline between the contacts which are supportive or unsupportive for your relationship. For me having some opposite sex friends or colleagues at work (especially when they have their own relationships) can be supportive, e.g. to talk some general relationship subjects or ideas.
If only we are not searching for spending one-to-one, "dating-alike" time with them, or exchanging text messages at night, when a partner is asleep. It is kinda "unfair competition" in my view.
I believe deliberately contacting his or her ex by someone is strongly unsupportive and sounds like looking for "emergency back door" to escape from the relationship.
I think people sometimes do such silly things at the very beginning of a new relationship, but it should vanish when a relationship goes on.
