Why some people dislike you when you enforce your boundaries as if they treat you badly? I believe healthy boundaries are necessary

@futureDeveloper

I agree too, healthy boundaries are important in all relationships, especially in our relationship with ourselves. 

@futureDeveloper

Hi Developer! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your forum post and your thought provoking question! So...let's see....why do people end up disliking us once we set a boundary? 🤔

I imagine there could be a variety of different instances and therefor different reasons why this could happen. Most times, if we as people set a boundary, have to come to the point that we must do so, we might be engaging with someone that well.... has boundary issues 😳 .

They could be simply confused. And that's okay. If they are a willing spirit and meant no harm to begin with, many times setting the boundary clears things up and the relationship can move forward.😊 Yippie! 😊❤️

Unfortunately, there are some that feel entitled. They could be controlling, they may want, what they want and when they want it, without any regard for the other persons feelings. This is a sad occurrence and so if one had no regard for your feelings to begin with, you exerting control over your own life and letting your feelings be known could anger them.  

People like this do not like being told "no" even if you say so, in the kindest of ways and with out actually using the word "no". They can become angry very quickly, decide to "take their friendship" away from you in an effort to punish you as well as a variety of others things up to and including vengeful behaviors. 

Essentially it's someone throwing what I call a "tall tantrum". It's someone in an adult body, but for a variety of different reasons are insistent upon living out the "terrible two's" (toddler stage) in their adult life.

Many times these are very unhappy people and consistently have this same problem with others in their life. Some have a long history and pattern of broken relationships, make friends quickly and lose them almost as fast as they gain them. 

Everyone has a right to express their feelings and everyone has a right to set boundaries. If you set the bar and someone else is consistently "limbo-ing" underneath that bar, one could be entrenched in a somewhat toxic relationship. 

Thanks again for your great forum post! I enjoyed spending time here with you! 

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

@futureDeveloper. Healthy boundaries are critical to your mental health. In every setting you are in. Unfortunately when you need to enforce a boundary people become offended.

@futureDeveloper

Hi again Developer! 😊 ❤️   

After responding yesterday to your fantastic forum post (sleeping on it) I had some additional thoughts that may or may not be helpful for others that are having a bit of trouble with those in their lives that exhibit boundary issues. And specifically for those that set a boundary and then are treated badly for doing so.

Something that could be of help would be doing a youtube search for Dr. Ramani's discussion on the DARVO pattern. I have found that to be quite fascinating. 

It could be beneficial to learn what DARVO means, how others employ this tactic, looking back in retrospect and thinking if you have seen that pattern of behavior from others when setting a boundary and if still engaged in some sort of "ship" with them, if they continue to do so.

In addition, something I saw more recently was a youtube from Dr. K (this is how they refer to themselves for ease of use and an intentional lack of formality) from HealthyGamerGG. You don't have to be a "gamer" to enjoy and learn from what they have to say (I'm not a gamer). They have a relaxed approach however, they are a Harvard trained psychiatrist. I enjoyed their discussion on "why boundaries don't work". 

Their discussion on the topic would be more focused on if there is power dynamic in the relationship ("ship" and whatever type of ship that might be) in which the other party is in a position of authority over you. 

Don't let the topic of discussion scare you off. They aren't really saying that they don't work, simply a different approach when in an subordinate role to others and how to navigate it better. 

Lastly, I have heard of a book called "The Courage To be Disliked". While I haven't read it in it's entirety, I have read excerpts, as well as listened to some of the thoughts and feelings of another after having read it, cover to cover.

The book comes highly recommended by a strong leader here in our 7 cups community who just so happens to be one of our community managers. 

*high fives* 😊 big *hugs* ❤️ and hoping that any of this could be of help to one of us out there at some point!