Weird me

It's gonna be a year in 2 days since my ex asked me out. I have moved on quite a lot from it but it still affects me that my life could have been more different if we didn't break up. Since we've broken up I can't really speak properly in group chats or calls when he's there cause i don't know. He's just a weird person. When he likes someone he's very nice but when he doesn't he acts rude. Sometimes I wonder did he even have feelings for me? It's not even about that since he asked me out no one asked me out instead I got rejected a 7-8 months back by one of my good friends but one good thing about him is he doesn't make me feel awkward at all. I keep thinking about my ex again and again but he doesn't even care a little. And cause of all of this I feel so low.. I know I'm pretty but guys never ask me out but I know that it's dumb that I need validation in this way to feel better..