Weight on my heart

I, (31F), am married to my partner (48F) for 3 years now and I feel like I'm in this relationship alone.

I feel so inadequate and I've been feeling like I'm just around for convenience rather than love. I also feel like I'm being manipulated, like she just tells me she loves me so I stay or just to keep me quiet.

I have no friends or family to turn to because it always turns into a jealousy thing but she's got a new friend who she talks to constantly and I can't say anything about it.

I've also been having dreams and thoughts of how different it would be if I were alone because then maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely.

I'm sorry if this is more of a rant than anything else, I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm so tired of feeling this way.

I just really need a friend or something.