She doesn’t know if she can love me again
My wife recently cheated on me and we’ve been going through some things. She was sneaking and lying to me about things. Long story short I found out and we had this conversation where she doesn’t know if she can love me like she used to, or that she wants to be in this relationship and she feels trapped bc of the kids and how blended our life is. This is a new thing to me both this and the app. Idk what to do.
@Metallicmadness Hello. I am sorry about the situation you've found yourself in. There must be lots of thoughts and emotions boiling in you now.
I am afraid there is no one in the world who could tell you step-by-step what to do now, because every family, every relationship, and every situation is different.
From my experience when a woman says 'I don't know' it often means a simple 'no'. The question is can you forgive her. Another question is if your wife can draw some conclusions from the mistake she had made. Also, what would be the least devastating solution for the kids should be taken into consideration.
I remember the pain when my family broke up almost four years ago. Due to the flat property reasons I was the one to move out, and I emphasized to my children that I am not leaving them, but I'll be still around. Indeed, I am. There is pain, there is guilt, that my kids don't have better childhood than I had. But I am still alive.
@Metallicmadness
It is a tough time, going through this is rough.
When marriage goes down hill to this point ... it takes more then small things for many people to cross that line. There are things you and her would need to completely rebuild and that is NOT something that can be done in evenings after work and a bit here and there. Especially if you do not see things as broken that she does/ did.
If you want to save anything and want her to love you again things would have to change...give her the fun and excitement she is looking for.
When someone is in a new thing even emotional let alone physical ...the person is having needs met that simply were not in current relationship. Being flattered/ feeling attractive/ feeling Listened to ...and I get that when we are married we feel we know the other one inside and out ...... so we nod and act like we listened... Look at the many posts here and elsewhere where people complain that the dating mode of gifts an flowers/ flirting and surprise mode ends.
When she says she does not know if "she can love you again" ask why.? ... I feel similar and I would tell my spouse why if asked .... it is not about items he may assume ....
Example: When we are going out to dinner ....he THINKS he is being great ... saying "oh anything you decide"... forcing me to chose or literally an hour looking at options. But in fact he does care and shows it by snide nit picking remarks about the place i chose.... I simply feel those are directed at ME, NOT the place. i feel disrespected yet he thinks i am upset about not finding a "good " restaurant. HUGE disconnect. Sometimes this disconnect is in almost every subject and when i am ticked, he is in no way attractive to me and i do not want to spend time with him.
So if i had a friend whom I can have a conversations with go out without nit pic issues .......it is easy and fun. If new friend notices hairstyle changes or new clothes, knows of upcoming events not last minute cannot find tickets or reservations. Flirting and attraction is there. No, i did not cross the physical line yet but totally see the possibility. I do NOT love my spouse in the way I should ... he has killed those feelings one by one. .........Yet is oblivious to it.
FIND out deep real reason and fix it ....if you love her and want family to stay together. The longer it goes on the less chance it can be fixed.
