My Extreme Jealousy is on the verge of destroying my 16 year marriage. Is there anyone else like this.
I don't know what had happened in my life that has caused me to get like this. Here lately is it so bad that this time I think I may have destroyed my marriage of 16 years. I know I should not be like this for god sakes im 40. I have had some past trauma with him emotionally and physically cheating. But I have always been insecure about myself. If anyone has ever dealt with this before, I sure could use some help.
@crimsonEyes500 Hello. It is sad to hear about the pain and fear of loss you seem to be feeling right now.
But first, how about putting the things into the right (logical and timely) order? Your message says that you - your jealousy in particular - are on the verge of destroying your marriage. The fact is this marriage could have been destroyed by a person who was cheating. Or, in the worst case, you did it together, if your marriage was in a crisis and your joint effort to save it was not enough.
I believe you did the great thing by forgiving your husband. But now you still suffer and live in fear of that happening again (what for me is quite understandable).
After those accidents, have you talked with your husband about the ways to prevent such things in future? For example, did he change his work place or the specifics of his job - to better protect you and your (his and yours) marriage?
Did you discuss with your husband what you expect from him, how could he help you to feel safer after such a trauma? Or was it just your one-sided decision to forgive him, leaving him without any obligations or consequences?
People have different attitudes to trust: Some of them prefer to speak of usual things (like talking to a colleague at work) as of normal, non-threatening. Some prefer being silent about some potentially risky subjects (what may seem tempting at first, but might be cumulating tension in the long term).
How would you feel about talking this matter over with your husband? The problem is not solely yours - it is connected with how your relationship works.