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I’m scared of losing him
tidyWheel3823 August 30th

My boyfriend of 7 months told me last Saturday that if I don’t fix myself within a month he will break up with me. I have a lot of past experiences that make me suffer from depression and anxiety and overthinking everything. I’m scared he’s going to find someone better I’ve been thinking that the whole time because I’m not as pretty as other girls and I’m short and I have weird freckles in weird spots that look like food if I eat any chocolate and my body isn’t the best I’m around 100 pounds but I feel like I could do better and I make dumb comments about stuff like that about how I’m not pretty and I hide my face when I’m feeling extremely depressed and I keep making dumb comments of how he’s gonna get a girlfriend or boyfriend at his new job. So the last time I made a comment that’s when he brought up the thing about breaking up I love my boyfriend so incredibly much I know I really make him struggle with my emotions and what I say but he has anger issues and sometimes likes to hurt me but it’s not in like a really bad way it’s like a playful way were he tried to bite me then does it to hard. Recently he’s been more quiet and not as interested on some days I’ve talked to him about it but he says that he still loves me and wants to fix it but I’m scared he’s losing feelings the longer we don’t hangout and talk (we would hangout every day we could before this happened) it’s been almost two weeks now and he doesn’t think I trust him and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I am working so hard to fix myself I just don’t know what else I can try. He still talks about taking me to places in the future and stuff but other days when i accidentally talk about sad stuff to much he will tell me to shut up or get angry at me I know he doesn’t really mean it and it’s just the anger issues. I still love him and just need ways to make him want me more.

2
BlueSoul2290 August 30th

@tidyWheel3823

What does it mean when he says if you don't fix yourself, he will leave you? Does he expect you to magically cure your depression and anxiety in a month? That's an unrealistic and unfair expectation.
as if you have the power to be free of depression and anxiety. It's as if you chose to be depressed and anxious and chose this suffering. 

and does this mean that in the future, if I get sick, like if you have back pain or knee pain, etc., he will ask you to recover within a month or week and if you don't, he will leave your? 

I think it is important to recognize that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and respected. A partner should support you, especially when you're struggling with things like depression and anxiety, not put additional pressure on you to "fix" yourself on their timeline.
and I thing some of the behaviors you've described, such as anger issues and the way he sometimes treats you, can be quite concerning. Even if it's not 'really bad,' playful biting or being told to be quiet when you're upset can be harmful. So I think it's important to evaluate whether these behaviors are something you can accept in a long-term relationship

at the end. I think when a person wants to have a lover, one of the reasons is that they want someone close to them to whom they can talk about their feelings, worries, and pains without being told to shut up.but I understand that you don't want to lose him and you don't want to be alone. However, I think sometimes, being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't treat you well.
1 reply
tidyWheel3823 OP August 30th

To answer your question about what it means when he says if I don’t fix myself he will leave me it’s because he’s been hinting at fixing stuff the whole time we have been together and I did fix a lot of it since I’ve been with him because he helped me like I stoped sh and starving myself because he was there with me it’s just now he has a job and college started up again so he’s been busy and doesn’t have the mental energy to deal with my issues I see what your saying but I truly have thought me and him are meant to be there are so many crazy things like apparently I used to hangout with him when we were little which we didn’t know about and he had liked each other since freshman year and then we finally were able to get together this year and he’s been so kind to me and sweet it’s only recently that he’s been being like this

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