I cheated

@neonPear2244

Perhaps you need to dig deep as to why you strayed not only once but twice....

when an opportunity came up what do you think about .... "hope i do not get caught or a revenge type feeling" i do not see many who cheat.......... that do not have other issues with their partner.... can be anything disrespect / lost emotional connection or plain no longer find them appealing ....  usually for hurt anger and or resentment.      unless that real reason you chose to cross a line is addressed you will again and again.....

You saying you told them  all about it even if it was painful makes me think you wanted them to hurt perhaps as you felt hurt when you did it.   but crossing the line never helps. 

@neonPear2244 

 I hate to sound harsh but you really shouldn't have stayed in your relationship if you were just going to cheat on them🤷‍♀️. Having an open and honest conversation about what's going with your feelings is showing that you respect your partner enough to talk with them even if they get upset. 

It's also sad that an ex would be okay with being disrespectful of a relationship as well. If this was done to you I'm sure you'd be upset yourself if you had to find out twice yourself.