Hurt and unsure what to do (please reply) đź’—
Before i start im sorry its long, and confusing but its certainly loads of drama so please read!
Some context: in august i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years (we broke up twice though between them) and i made this decision because i cannot marry him and he kept talking about marriage. (i promise it was for his own good)
Code names: Orange = Ex, Blue = Guy best friend, Yellow = female friend, Pink = female friend 2, Purple = female friend
3
A month after the breakup, i went to a friends birthday party, and over there i was talking to a guy, and he kisses me, i pull away and i say “I'm sorry i cant orange is here”, and everyone started realising what just happened. Long story short, orange was in tears with blue, purple and yellow in a room.They wouldn't let me in to explain myself, around 45 minutes after purple and yellow come out to talk to me after everyone telling them to, i explained myself, and they said i dont understand the consequences of my actions. Purple told everyone that i was smirking while talking to them. Yellow said that i wasnt.
Blue refused to talk to me.
More context: Purple has been quite flirty with orange for a while when we dated
Continuing, Purple started crying saying i dont know what hes been through and this and that, and that ive done a horrible thing. She heard me but she didnt HEAR me if you get me. Although most people were on my side, i was still sobbing because i had kind of lost the 5 people i loved the most out of everyone.
I understand why it is wrong, which is why i didnt want to do it but either way, I. AM. SINGLE.
After the party, i didnt talk to purple and yellow at all, but i texted blue. Blue has been my best friend since 2019, Hes also friends with orange. Mid august, blue would flirt with me, and i would do it back. He invited me over to his house the saturday (the party incident was on the friday) (i was very hesitant as i love orange and id feel bad, but still it was mutual) I texted him saying, “if i dont have the courage to kiss you, why would i kiss that guy” and he said that he doesnt trust me anymore and he cant believe i did that to orange. I left him on seen. (HYPOCRITE!)
Yellow texts me with an apology and saying its hard not texting me and shes sorry about what happened at the party but she felt like she had to help orange in the moment. I accepted the alology. Purple texts me with a very PASSIVE apology. Saying that she said i was smirking to “cope with the situation” why would you need to cope when your not even involved!!!!! I did not accept this apology. But i said thank you regardless, and explained what happened again, but she said we need to get “over it”???
A week after that party, (heres where pink comes in) All the colours hung out and posted it on their *** stories. I obviously saw this. After a day of confusion, i texted our group chat (Me, Pink, Purple, and yellow) We have been close friends ever since 2020 as we had been in classes together repeatedly. VERY CLOSE. But recently not as. I told them that it hurt me, that i dont mind if your friends but its weird hanging out with my ex, and that i thought their loyalties would lie with me. (I introduced them to my ex mid 2022).
Yellow apologised immediately, and my other friends told me that she thought it was wrong and doubting going. Whereas, Pink and Purple kept saying “why would we invite you thats awkward” and i said i dont expect an invite or want one, i just think its weird. They then proceeded to say that it really isnt that deep, i cant control who they go out with, im embarrassing and to get over it. I genuinely genuinely sent a nice message and was talking in a nice way. I just thought they would care about my feelings but clearly they care about hanging out with boys more.
Ever since then, they kept hanging out, they didnt care at all. But they made a NEW groupchat without yellow in it just because she apologised to me. Proves my point about the boys. They knew she wouldn't go anymore but it was extremely rude (she is closer to them than me!) it speaks volumes.
This continues but last saturday, We were all at a party of a mutual friend. Blue walks up to me saying he wants to squash the “beef”, i walk away. An hour later he comes back when im drvnk, i hear him out and he apologises and says “i miss you, im sorry i know im in the wrong, i just prioritised orange, and i shouldve been there for you too” i say thank you for the apology, and he says “Can you be cool with purple too?”
I definitely can not. Purple was the worst of them all, her treatment to me was horrible. and she continuously flirted with my ex when we dated. (i actually posted about purple on 7cups asking for advice in February 2023!) Either way, i was civil and we had some chat. I also talked to my ex and finally explained myself and we are on good terms.
He is the only person i trust, so i told him everything that they have done. He told me that he said it was too soon to hangout, and that he thinks its weird too and doesn't know why yellow was removed (me him yellow and blue used to hangout back in early 2022 as friends) I explained and told him that they’re genuinely bad people but he was saying that he felt like they cared and theyre his only social life. this upsets me so much because they dont deserve orange!!!! When i dated orange they used to *** talk him and call him fat (he wasnt).
He knows this but doesn't care and it just annoys me so bad.
Do i accept blues apology?
What do i do about this if anything! It bothers me so much and i feel guilty over yellow being kicked out. Am i the ***!?
@exuberantBlueberry2488
This whole situation sounds super overwhelming, and I’m sorry you’re going through all this. It’s okay to feel hurt and upset; your feelings are valid. Let’s break this down a little.
Blue’s apology: You can accept his apology if you feel ready, but that doesn’t mean things have to go back to how they were. If you feel like he’s sincere and you want to rebuild trust, you can take it slow, but if you’re not ready or don’t feel like he’s made enough effort, that’s okay too. You’re allowed to protect yourself.
Purple and Pink: Their behavior doesn’t sound fair at all. It seems like you’ve tried to express your feelings in a calm way, and they’ve ignored or dismissed you. It’s okay to take a step back from people who don’t care about how you feel. You don’t need to force those friendships if they’re causing more stress than support.
Yellow: It sounds like she does care about you and feels bad about what happened. Maybe it’s worth focusing on that friendship and seeing if you can rebuild trust with her since she seems more understanding.
Guilt: It’s not your fault that Yellow got kicked out of the group. That’s on Pink and Purple. You spoke up about how you felt, and they made their choice. You can’t control what they do, so try not to blame yourself for something that wasn’t in your hands.
It might help to focus on the friendships and people who make you feel supported right now. Do you think stepping away from some of the drama for a while could give you some space to figure out what you really want? You deserve to feel respected in your relationships.
@MercyfulHeart
Thank you so much for the reply.
With blue we used to fall out over silly things all the time, but it’s never been serious. Im not used to not talking to him. Orange told me blue told him that he’s not looking to be friends and just wants to be chill. Although, in a class we share (he sits near me), he looks over often almost like he wants conversation. And he laughs when i say something silly which is something hed do when we were friends. A part of me wants things to go back to how they were, but a bigger part of me knows *** do it again.
With purple and pink, they have become bestest of friends out of no where. (probably bonding over hating me). And we are all in a friendgroup of 15 people. It’s hard to ignore them, but when they speak to me, if ever, I’m always civil. The rest of my friends know what happened, but don’t even bother about it. I feel like that’s just because it happened to me, if it was anyone else everyone would hate them.
Im still friends with yellow and I got her a big gift for her birthday on Friday, she’s genuinely the sweetest. Ill take your advice and hopefully we can get closer like we used to be.
As for the drama this all happened in August and I spoke to them for the first time, since then, in early November. I feel like it comes up every now and then because of how frequent they call and hang out. I always feel jealous because I still have feelings for orange and Blue was my best friend. I feel like I’ve just been stripped away from everything that was my norm. I don’t even want to hang out with them. It’s just the thought of purple and pink being extremely close to orange and blue… just like i was.
Thank you for reading and replying again. It means a ton.
@exuberantBlueberry2488
It’s hard to lose people you were so close to, especially when they still feel so connected to your life through mutual friends. It’s a lot to carry, and it’s clear how much effort you’re putting into handling this with grace.
About Blue: It seems like there’s still a part of him that misses how things used to be, even if he’s hesitant to rebuild the friendship. The way he acts in class looking over and laughing at your jokes shows he still notices and values parts of who you are. If he’s not ready to fully reconnect, it’s okay to leave things as chill for now. You don’t have to make any big moves unless you feel like it’s truly worth the energy.
About Purple and Pink: Their behavior is hurtful, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s hard to watch them get closer to people who used to mean so much to you, especially when it feels like they’re bonding over negativity toward you. Staying civil, as you’re doing, is the best way to protect your peace, even if it’s frustrating. Their actions say more about them than they do about you.
About Yellow: She sounds like a bright spot in all this, and it’s so sweet that you’re putting energy into that friendship. It might be helpful to focus on strengthening that connection and finding other friendships outside this group that bring you joy and support. You deserve relationships that feel good and don’t make you question your worth.
The feelings of jealousy and loss you’re experiencing make sense. You’ve been through a big shift, and it’s natural to miss the norm you had. It’s okay to grieve that, even if you know deep down that things may not go back to how they were. Over time focusing on building new connections and nurturing the healthy ones you still have will help fill the space this drama has left behind. You’re handling this with a lot of maturity, even though it’s painful.
