How do you overcome the feeling of inadequacy & the anxiety & thoughts of just not being enough
Hi, me & my wife separated beginning of the year, still lived together, we both slept with other people, we have being trying to work things out & we’re doing ok but she told me about the guy she slept with in a way that I just can’t shake off, it’s had major issues with my self worth & I struggle to be intimate now, my anxiety about it is through the roof, it just feels like I’m second best & I don’t see how I can overcome that now or in the future 😔
@ceejay37
Hello my friend. I'm sorry about the events you experienced. I know it's hard to understand these feelings without experiencing them. But I also experienced it from a different direction. You should know that we are all special. And we cannot be soil for every flower. This wasn't about you. You just weren't the right person for that person. Your worlds may be different. Even though you may feel like what happened was done against you, it is actually about the other person's life. Relationships can be complicated and tiring. Things can be really difficult emotionally, too. I can understand your feelings about what happened. But think of it this way: she lives in a different world and acts according to her own world. Your world is also different and special. Please try to look at things from a broader perspective. When you look at this incidentally, you may feel guilty, inadequate and worthless. But when you look at it from a broader perspective, you're not just about this relationship. Other people's behavior does not describe you. The behavior of others tells about that person. You are many things. You existed before this relationship, and you will exist after it. Take a look at yourself from afar and approach yourself with compassion. Sometimes everyone can make mistakes and go the wrong way. But we are not one thing. We are many things. Life is not just about this relationship.Focus on yourself and try to see your own good and beautiful qualities. You will also realize that you are valuable. I wish you to meet people who will give you the value you deserve.But above all, I wish you to realize your own value.
@ceejay37
I’m sorry you’re feeling the way(s) you’re feeling. But there’s no such thing as second or third or fourth etc best.
You are definitely worth it. You’re feeling the way you are bc you’re letting someone and your now former relationship with her dictate how you feel.
Many in fact most people go through multiple relationships till they finally find the right person to be in a relationship with and when they do they make it last as long and healthy as possible by any means.
It’s gonna be difficult and take time so you gotta be patient with yourself while you do it but you gotta let the past go and now that it’s over your past includes your ex wife and your relationship with her. It’s time to move on. I’m not talking about just sleeping with other people. I mean more than that. Find someone or let you and someone naturally, organically find each other, then get to know each other and depending on how both of you feel afterwards, you can build a relationship with each other and take it as far as it’ll go. If not, that’s ok, nothing wrong with that. Just means you have to keep trying with others.