He need space
Hi ,
me and my boyfriend are in long distance relationship from few months after being friends for 2 years n dating for 10 months and he keep on asking me he need space whenever he feels heavy or stressed because of work , university or family.
this use to be Before as well when we use to just know each other but. I never paid enough attention or cared about it because he going missing for days n weeks or months was not bothering me but the moment we started dating it’s bothering me, Everytime he promises me not to repeat this and nothing changes.
he never ask anyone else to giving him space not to family neither to friends but only me , I m so confused about this matter , after knowing I m very uncomfortable he keep repeating it ,
he doesn’t talk when around friends, roommates, basically we talk for few minutes a day hardly when he feel so otherwise no , if I feel n I try to reach him out he doesn’t respond anything.
I m so confused about this matter , i really love him n doesn’t wanna lose him .
i m very confused
@P333
I can understand why you're feeling confused in this situation. It's difficult when your boyfriend consistently asks for space, especially when it seems to be more frequent since you started dating.
It might help to have an open and honest conversation with him where you can express to him how his repeated requests for space make you feel uncomfortable and unsure about the relationship, and also let him know that you love him and don't want to lose him, but his behavior is causing confusion and distress for you.
Ask him to clarify what he means by needing space and why he specifically asks it from you. Understanding his perspective can help you both find a way to navigate this issue together.
Also, take some reflect on whether this pattern of behavior is something you can continue to tolerate and if it aligns with your needs in a relationship.
@P333
I'm sorry. This sounds a very difficult situation for you. I wonder if you feel abandoned, rejected or neglected when he disappears on you? It would certainly be natural to fear he might not come back. Lots of painful feelings to deal with and the person you most expect to support you through difficult stuff, isnt there. That could feel terribly unfair.
You say he does this when he feels overwhelmed. This is quite a normal, and potentially healthy, way to deal with stress. Remember that he can't help his feelings of stress or being overwhelmed, so he might not be able to help needing space. Which may be why he can't honour your request to stop doing it.
You might have to give him space. But you can most definitely afterwards tell him how it makes you feel to be left behind. Maybe you could also ask if the two of you could work towards finding an alternative way for him to cope with stress that doesn't hurt you so much? Listening to what he needs could help you both find a solution.
In the meantime I suggest you look at alternative ways that you can get support when he is not available. Its often said, and I've found myself, that relationships do better when there is plenty of outside support. Joining 7 cups and sharing here is an excellent first step in that direction. I hope you find it helpful.
Best wishes