Help with relationships

So, I am having genuine trouble in my relationship. I have caused a lot of damage and want to make amends.

I am in a polyam relationship, one Para, two Metas. Things have been bad for years because of my issues I was in refusal to fix.

Does anyone know of free or cheap relationship counselors? Online preferred? Or someone who can help me with trying to talk with me through some things.

I want to try to fix things, stop me bad behavior and try to fix things, genuinely, with my partners.