So last year, I had a brief I don't know what you would call it situation with a guy who I had liked previously for so long. So it was amazing when he reached out and we started talking. However, he had just been recently broken up with, and I felt he still needed time to heal. But because I liked him so much I overlooked that and still talked to him over the next couple of months. It was so weird because we knew that we liked each other, but every time I made the move to get closer to him, it wouldn't happen. All this went on for the next 3 months until, we finally decided to be friends. At that point I wasn't even mad or hurt because he had been hurting me all through the months, and it was honestly a relief. I moved on from him completely, detaching myself but still here and there he would still reach out like over the summer and stuff. Also, around the same, there was another guy who added me, and we were just casually talking as friends. It was weird as I had no classes with him. Come the summer, we didn't really talk until he reached out near the beginning of the school year. So from September to around October, we were friends, but the beginning of October, we started to become more, but never started dating. Before we agreed to acc start talking though, we made a promise that we were not going to tell anyone at all because It would blow up my life at that time. The thing about this guy though is that he is not very liked among my friends and group, and he also talked to one of my close friends, and hurt her bad, but so did she to him. It ended bad so even just talking to him made me feel so guilty even when we were just friends. During this, we had a big fight as he told one of his friends about us but waited almost a week to tell me about it. I ended things, but then we got through it and were back together, but I made it clear that if we were going to try again, we had to be genuine friends first with no expectations. We went on like this for the last month, and there have been good times but also very bad times, most nights recently ending with us in tears. Mostly from us not being able to give each other want we want. He wants to become official and tell others, while I know that I never could or at least not now, and he doesn't think he can wait for me much longer. Not to mention I have become so attached to him and him I so neither of us are wanting to leave. Now in the past 2 weeks. The other boy from last year has admitted that he still likes me and that we want to know if I feel the same. I haven't told the other guy yet, and I have been responding to him, very friendly, however. I don't know what to do because I feel like God is bringing the first guy back into my life for a reason, and the other guy is bringing me so much pain and hurt, but so am I to him. My friends are telling me to leave the other guy as it has been a toxic cycle of hurting each other, but I don't know if I'm strong enough too. The first guy is also a follower of Christ and aligns with all I could ever want, both physically like attractive wise, and spiritually, while the other guy I'm not very physically attracted to, but have such a strong emotional understanding and the two, but it also makes it hard to do that more affectionate things. But, he treats me like a queen so incredibly sweet words and things that I never thought a guy, especially in my generation had the ability to say and do. I have no idea what I should do. One guy treats me better than I could ever ask for, but we can't be together as the physical attraction is lacking, he was with my friend, which would tear my friend group apart, and we keep hurting one another due to the fact we can't give each other what we want. The other hurt me once before badly, and I don't know if we will again. When we were friends, my feelings went away completely, and I don't know if they ever will. I have absolutely no idea who to pick and or what to do. I also don't even know If I want a relationship in my life right because of all the other things happening in my life right now. I don't know what to do at all, and I'm so sick of feeling guilty or sad or numb. I don't know what to do.
