Boyfriend never wants to go to my family events
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and every holiday or family event I invite him to. He either says no or I have to beg him to come and if he does, he’s either late or tries to leave way earlier. He never ever has a legitimate excuse which makes it so awkward for me to tell my family. I don’t want them to think badly of him for not wanting to be at events with me. I got to all of his family events and I don’t always necessarily want to, I do it because I love him and want to be there for him. He has come to my family things before but it always feels like he’s miserable, or all of the sudden ready to leave and I’m not. I just don’t know what to do about it. I’ve talked to him about it multiple times and he just doesn’t get my point of view
@idkineedtotalk Why? Does your family make him uncomfortable? Is his family better than yours? Does he just not give a ff about you?
I asked him this and he said he said it’s not because he’s uncomfortable around anyone. If this were the case I would never ever question why he didn’t want to go. He just simply doesn’t feel like going with me which makes me feel bad. I know he cares about me I don’t question that, but I just wish he’d take the short amounts of time to do this for me because it is important to me
@idkineedtotalk I would think if he really cares about you he needs to suck it up and start spending more time with your family. Like at least 25% or 50% more time. Otherwise he is just acting like he has better things to do. I would ask him point blank, “because this is important to me, do you even want to put in any effort or do you just not care.” I’m feeling frustrated for you because he just doesn’t seem to have any valid excuses and he seems a bit selfish.
@idkineedtotalk
While many may go to things for each other, when they hate it ....... some may feel that is sign of how he cares for you ...it isn't
If you look at it from another point ..how much does a person care for someone .... If they Force them to attend things they simply do not want to or dislike ? if he does go let him leave after a short time he made an appearance ?
If you are visiting and enjoying your family then go and stay .... for some reason he does not like it / enjoy it .....there is NO rule he must attend .....or you attend his.
Believe it or not even if you were to marry etc.... My family never treated my spouse very well and were rude and did things .....I did not see .......i made excuses for both sides played the peacemaker but i eventually saw it was NOT worth it .......holidays/ events should not be spent miserable. sometime a holiday etc is an extra day for someone to relax from regular life stresses.... not an exercise in grin and bear it.
Thank you. This is all good advice. I guess I just wish he’d put in the same effort I put in when it comes to attending family events. My family loves him and always invite him and always want him to come and I just hate how often I have to say he’s not coming. I love my family and I consider him my family too. He says he has no problem with any of my family members so I just don’t really understand why he can’t come to very occasional events with me
@idkineedtotalk
My spouse did for awhile but i realized he for him it was not enjoyable and so i never asked again...
Ask him.........and deep Listen and believe his why ..... sometimes we hear a reason and our mind starts the " but no this is how it is" mode......... before we active listen and taking it all in even if we disagree.... Maybe in time his feelings about these will change but if pushed believe me it will only reinforce whatever his reason is.