Am I Wrong?
Around four months ago, I ended a very tumultuous and complicated 8.5 year long relationship. There is a lot of love between us, but we argued too much and there was a lot of issues between us as well. I had previously tried ending the relationship but always found that we got back together for some reason. Now I find myself feeling like I overextended myself by trying to stay in a failing relationship for more than one year, and I aggressively fell out of love. Am I wrong for having moved on even before having finalized the relationship? I really did try to end it earlier but I was met with backlash. I feel guilty for hurting my ex, but I just want to be happy. Am I wrong to feel these conflicting emotions?
@PixieSabotage
Hello. Reaching back to my personal experience, it is very normal that you may feel confused when making difficult decisions about your life. I believe there is often an old part of us that wants us to stay where we are, secure (at least for a while), and a new part that wants us to go on and grow, however risky it may feel.
@PixieSabotage
When ending a relationship... the back and forth of wanting to leave then getting back to together is exhausting. We may try to compromise or work on things only to feel short changed of still unhappy. We finally realize the change we want is in us.
I like your term " aggressively fell out of love". I think some who have tried over and over to hold a broken relationship together can understand that. We are not just ending the relationship but the picture of the future or plans we had. letting go of those thoughts is often harder then letting go of the person.
It is common to try and try to save a known thing then the unknown of starting new. Remember when you think back... safety in the comfortable never equals happiness.
I know how you feel, and the "aggressively fell out of love" caught my eye, as well. Eight years is. along long time and, however tumultuous the realtionship, there are always are memories, promises, hopes that hold us back. Wanting to be happy and, more importantly, deservibg to be happy is a fundamental right we all have. Often, when we are the ones initiating the end, this brings about a lot of guilt, uncertainty and confusion. I have been working on a self-forgiveness path that also deals with acknowledging and validating the people who you hurt, perhaps it could be of help to you, too, if you are struggling with similar feelings. I have ended a 13 year marriage with some devastating consequences so I know, or can guess, a lot of what must be going through your mind.