Advice Required
This is a bit more of a positive post then what I usually seek help for. I have decided I needed to open up to the guy I’m seeing a bit more. I said that me and him have been seeing each other a while now (a few months for context) and the next thing to figure out with us both is where we place ourselves in each others lives. I stated it wasn’t a convo about being official.
I explained how I value him having a life outside of me and vice versa as I feel that’s important. I both value and respect that. But we both live away from each other and I feel that me and him need to see each other regularly to be able to develop a deeper connection and to figure out things such as becoming official. I asked him how he felt about the situation.
he works nights so he wanted to respond the next day when he was in the right mindset which I respected. I have also asked him today if he’s happy to talk about it, however, he suggested talking about it at the weekend. Which again I respected as he’s not at work then so he’d have the mental capacity to discuss.
since sending him this message we’ve been carrying on talking like we usually do. I feel like how he has responded is positive and even though we haven’t discussed the situation at hand specifically, I feel like if he didn’t feel the same he would of ended it or told me he wasn’t willing to discuss the matter when I sent the message originally. I’m trying not to overthink it and I feel quite positive. Does anyone agree or am I losing it?
thanks again x
@lovingBirch549@lovingBirch549
Try not to stress about what his reactions will be. Sure it would have been nice to have the convo when you brought it up, but there's nothing wrong with giving people time to respond. It sounds like you are just asking for more time spent together, the next step towards becoming official, without yet being official. It just means you are interested in him. Since you are opening up, let him know that you are enjoying him and hope to be able to see more of him. It's good to mention and get his thoughts. That said, he sounds busy so figure out if the time he has available to give is enough for you.
That said, I went back to read your last couple of posts, and with that insight would caution you to think about your relationship in practical terms. That is, you probably brought up this 'let's see each other more' as a result of him not being able to make it up last weekend, due to bad weather. And then you got upset he didn't prioritise making up the plans with you over whatever else he had planned that weekend. With this insight, it kinda comes across as you telling him that it is simply unacceptable of him to not see you once a week, that he ought to be prioritising you, and that's what you are getting at - for him to agree he ought to have either drove in dangerous conditions the day of the planned date, or to cancel his other plans on the weekend to make it up to you - because you need to be a weekly priority. He didn't do that last week, and you want him to agree he will do that from now on. Unofficially.
My point is, please be practical. Don't tell this guy something vague like 'let's figure out where we place each other in our lives' you are dancing around this ask of being an 'unofficial' priority - well, what does that entail to you? Instead of trying to twirl him towards the answer you want him to give, I'm sure he'd appreciate a more direct conversation. It sounds like he sleeps days and works week nights, and he comes to see you on the Friday? A two-hour drive each way, and then he has a day to do his errands or see friends/family, or whatever else, and the question becomes, what is it you are specifically asking of him? How ought you guys be fitting into each others lives? How will he have the time, if he doesn't, to make you feel loved? In practical terms, is that quitting his night shift job? Moving closer to you? Is it forfeiting his Sunday plans but only when doing so is necessary because it will make you happy? What I am saying is, specifically, in practical terms, what does he need to do, the actual request, that will allow your lives to fit? Have a conversation about a specific ask. It sounds like once a week isn't enough for you, but also, once a week is all he can currently give, unless there's a specific change to his lifestyle. If once a week does work, but an act of god cancellation occurs, like bad weather, is there a way for him to make you feel loved that isn't then cancelling his sunday plans, or is that essentially what this talk is about: he needs to be available on Sundays if he can't make it Friday? If that is the root of it, then have that conversation, and hear what he has to say.