i ruin every friendship i have (possible trigger warning)

it's really hard for me to make friends because of my anxiety,social phobia and selective mutism. when i finally do make friends, i get to attatched. i depend on them to much and become clingy and they always end up leaving. i think i ruined everything with my friend, we were dating but i think he broke up with me. he just stopped messaging me and became distant, changed his relationship status on facebook. he got suspended from school so the only way to stay in contact is through messaging on facebook. last night he finally mesaged me after what feels forever, he apoligised for not messaging me for a while and says he's been busy tryign to fidn a job. he started talkign about jobs and getting his own place and it freaked me out. change scares me. the future scars me. everything is changing. he's moving on with his life and graduating soon and im still stuck at school cause im younger then him. i ended up relapsing after being 18 days clean form self harm. i cut really deep and there was a lot of blood so i freaked out and told him. he then said that he's going to stop talking now and i asked what why and he says he's caused enough problems and he then he said goodbye. now ive ruined everything.

edited by Rain45 Moved to Relationships community due to forum re-organisation