Sudden cold shoulder
My apologies for posting this twice. I did not know which was the more suitable forum, Romantic or Friendship as the situation sits on the boundary line between both.
This is my problem:
I had a fling with a work colleague for a few months. I would have liked to have taken it further, however he is a Bangladeshi Muslim and I am a English Christian. His family would have had a problem with the relationship. I know this for a fact because his uncles (who we also worked with) first marriage was to an English women. Although the family had allowed it, the one most against it was his sister (and my colleagues mother.) The fact that the marriage didn't last did not help the families attitude towards mixed relationships. And so my colleague made it clear that he could not give me what I wanted as he could not hurt his family in such a way.
So gradually the fling came to an end but we still remained really good friends. Swapping funny texts, chatting about silly random stuff and acting weird in front of each other like all good friends do. We were also an unstoppable team in the office and worked really well together.
But then suddenly two weeks ago he just completely cut me off. He will only talk to me or answer my texts if they are work related. He now avoids working with me as much as possible. In meetings if the only spare seat is next to me, he will grab another from the other office and place it as far from me as possible. He also avoids looking at me even when we do talk about work issues he will keep his eyes fixed on his computer or another colleague if present.
For my part I can not think of anything I may have said or done to cause him to suddenly act this way towards me. I did try and talk to him about it but when I asked if I had done something he just said no and then left the room.
This situation is killing me as I really valued our friendship and it's also taking the joy out of my work day.
I appreciate every ones advice, but am most eager to hear from a guys point of view. Would you and why would you just suddenly cut someone off in such a way?
Thanks in advance for your help.
@WildEarth - It sounds like more than anything, you are looking for an explanation and to let him know how you are feeling. You said that you tried to talk to him in person and he was dismissive - is there another way you could approach the conversation to let him know where you're at and why this hurts?
I've at times had a lot of luck writing a letter, instead of approaching face to face, because then I can say everything I want to (and edit it to make sure the tone is right) without being cut off. And the recipient can read and react in their own time, rather than feeling on the spot or defensive. Not sure if that would help in this situation, but wanted to put it out there!
Good luck and take care
Thank you so much for your reply.
I have decided to give the situation some time and not push for any explanation until we have both had the time and distance to sort our heads out.
When the time is right I will consider writing him a letter. The reason I tried to ask him face to face this time is because in the past I have found myself hiding behind the written word. When we were having the fling, most of the discussions we had regarding the situation took place over text. And I often wonder if this may be part of the reason why it did not get any further. Did he feel that I was not worth the risk of challenging his family because I wasn't even serious enough to be able to actually talk to him about things? Did he feel that I thought he was only worth a quick text and not a proper heart to heart?
And so I have resolved to try and be more open and personal in the future.
i had a cold shoulder from a friend once, and found out it was related to a girl he'd been starting to see who was jealous of any opposite-sex friendships he had and wanted him to distance himself from his female friends to prove he was true to her and not distracted by others. certainly not saying this is the same case for your situation, but i thought it was worth mentioning.