Should I still remain friends with ex bf?

@eskie I don't think so. I just recently got dumped and she wants to be friends but I just can't do it. Some people can, I just personally don't like the idea. The feelings will still be there and you could just keep getting hurt, as well it will take longer to get over that person

@Anycampbell Sorry to hear that you just broke up too. :( Were you and your ex friends before you guys got together?

@eskie as mentioned by the other member, some people can, others can't. I personally use to think I could, and wanted to in the past, but I can't. I use to think that because they're such a big part of my life and because I cared about them, that I wanted to stay connected somehow, still grow together but as friends or to delay the void or hold on to whatever is left.

However, regardless of you're reason the complications will still be there. Risk of backsliding, finding it harder to move on while they're around, getting feelings hurt if you see them with someone else or you get relegated in their priority list etc (you're just a friend now, you share that position with dozens of others now), future relationships can be impacted by them being around, or you spend too much time and emotional attention on them which could be given to someone else and after all of that... The relationship can still decay in a very short period of time, if their new partner doesn't like the idea of you two being friends, things will change VERY quickly.

The question you need to ask yourself is do you think it's worth it? Do the pro vs con and can you do it. Some can, others can't.

These days when faced with the dilemma, I say I need time for myself, and cut the person out fully in every way out of my life. Once an entire year has passed I revise the situation If I still want to be friends I do it, if not I leave it. You'll be amazed at what time and distance can reveal.

@eskie I was best friends with my ex before we started dating. Then after we broke we didn't let it ruin our friendship and we went back to just being friends. It is hard though because you could develop feelings for him again. It's really up to you but just be careful.

@eskie I am in the same boat. It is hard. And I'm sorry you have to go through this too.

Hi @eskie. I am sure that would be perfectly fine! Just check in with yourself and make sure that you are comfortable with whatever decision that you choose to make. If you are not comfortable with maintaining a friendship with him, you should not force yourself to be his friend just because that is what he wants. Do what you feel is best for you. If the friendship works out, that's great! If it goes downhill, don't be too bummed out. Break ups are usually pretty diffcult for everyone involved, and it might take a bit of time to sort things out completely. The feelings that you have for each other might still be there, but I believe that accepting him as a friend might help bring you some peace. It will reassure you that you haven't lost him completely. He might not be your boyfriend anymore, but he is still in your life.

@PositiveMinds Thank you for reminding me that I have to be comfortable with the decisions I make. Thank you so much for saying that.

@eskie Of course! You are very welcome! I hope everything works out.

Wow, people can be so cold... People are not to be thrown over so quickly... Cutting them out of your life like they meant so little because you needed your "me" time... Sorry if I don't find that a bit self-centered and selfish...

People are kidding themselves if they think it can transition easily from romantic to friendship without some down time but please, let's be adult about it and no matter what cutting someone out of your life is almost always hurtful to the other person... Just sayin'... People I see only look out for their own self interests and sometimes you are going to hurt people awfully despite your best intentions...

Treat people kindly... Life is short enough without casually throwing an ex-significant other over because it makes YOUR life easier... Be kind and compassionate to all

@Endless712 this is an increadibly judgy comment, with a tint of contempt. This is meant to be free of judgment area...

@Jason857, after reading my post, it does come off very harshly.

It's not judgment but just saying people have no idea how much they hurt others because they don't have the strength to be in their lives any more.

You know not what I have been through. Have both of your parents die and have an ex just say, "best of luck to you" but cares not a whit to stay in contact. I'm sorry if I'm not a little bitter here.

This may be controversial, but I don't think romantic partners can truly be friends during or after a romantic relationship ends. You just simply don't care that much if you don't talk to your friend much, but it hurts like heck if your partner gives you the cold shoulder. A friend is not typically as intimately interwoven in your life as a lover is. Lovers have a different motive for telling you things or doing things for you- eg intimate affection, sex, continued romantic relationship or the like. A friend tends to put what's best for you first.

@eskie

nope ! cut all contact because you wont be able to move on and if anything, it'll just hurt you even more.

its not a good idea to be friends while you are trying to move on.

He's just using you for his on ego. cut all contact and move on.

maybe you can be friends with him later when you have fully move on but not now.

@eskie

It depends on many factors. If you valued the friendship you had before the relationship, it might be good to remain friends with your ex boyfriend. But you should also keep in mind, moving on will harder the more you see him. But don't throw away a perfectly good friendship, just because you two didn't work out romantically.

@eskie

it depends on how you feel for him.are valuing the frienship you had? is it good for you to be friends with him.? will it affects you?. ask yourself. if you value the friendship more than the relationship you had then it's okay.

@eskie

Hi. I am not sure where you are at with this since May is a while back. I hope you have things moving forward in the direction you are happy with. Let us know if you need any more guidance.

@eskie Hey! You can totally be friends with your ex if you wouldn't be emotionally effected by that. I don't think I can be friends with my bf if we broke up. I am emotional as a person and I am very emotionally attached to him.

@eskie, hi there. From my personal experience it's a bad idea to remain friends with your ex. I did it two times and just got really hurt but however some others have success in being friends after their break ups. I so give it time and think about it before giving him an answer ..