Is it possible to be happy having no friends?
Hey, I've had no friends for nearly 5 years now. Sadly I'm used to it but in another way I'm still very ashamed and unhappy with the situation.
I just think that because I'm still a human being that craving for meaningful connection isn't going away and I yearn for it. I don't think I could look for a boyfriend as I'd be too embarrassed about not having friends. So I'd really be just looking for just someone to hang out with and talk to.
The main thing that holds me back is thinking everyone already has friends from school that they already have a deep relationship with. Do People in their early twenties want to make friends or will I just be rejected and humiliated?
Unfortunately it seems by that age people are too busy with work/significant others/kids(?) to be making friends, or even maintaining friendships they have. At least in a meaningful way. Technology may help because they may still be willing to make contact even if they're too tired to go anywhere with you. But I know not everyone is too thrilled about that sort of thing.
But anyway. I haven't really had friends in a while either, lost my last friend almost a whole year ago and hadn't had any semblance of an irl friend since high school. What I've done to help that is just focus on having social "nets" I guess...just casually being in online communities and getting my socialization needs met that way. Although there is no deep connection, it's nice that the world doesn't end if one person leaves.
But I've rarely had deep connections to people anyway, so maybe I'm just better adapted to this. Idk.
I think it is. I dont have any friends and Im used to it so I dont really mind or anything much anymore. Its like I just live for myself
@RecoveringFlower God i'm so jealous. I just wish I could be even remotely happy like you are. How did you get to that place?
Temporarily, yes if you engage yourself with things you love the most like reading a good novels, watching movies and tv shows, and listening to songs. But when you're getting all happy and successful with what you do, you will be wanting to find someone to share your thoughts and feelings about them. Or someone you can learn from and challenge your ideas.
@plumField5702 Yeah I totally agree but the thing is that I've stopped enjoying the things I usually like and also I don't like leaving the house anymore because I feel so ashamed of having no friends. I guess it's gotten to a bad stage now cause I'm letting not having friends define who I am.
@Nairhair95
I'm so sorry about that and I can recall my freshman and sophomore year at college at your situation. I don't know much about your people at school from where you are but when I was at that point in my life, I found out that some people would really like to talk to me too. They just found me a little intimidating for being taciturn. So I worked up my courage and guts by starting to talk first to a one person. The one that was almost the same as me, reserved. After that, everything followed naturally when we were finally getting closed. We were always together so I was able to hang-out with and talk to his other friends too. Finally, when I got to my latter years at college I realized I was already friends with all of my classmates.
Nevertheless, it was a struggle to me too. I felt lonely and ashamed but I realized I still had my family so every time I went home, I talked to them with everything I missed talking to a potential friend/s at school. In that way, I also learned slowly how to communicate with people outside.
I guess if you were truly willing to find one, you wouldn't let your feelings get in the way. Or instead of stressing so much about it, try to do some joyful activities that may make you happy and at peace. The more you engage in those, the more courageous you become to do whatever your heart's desires want to do. This is the start by writing here.
To be honest, I haven't talked to my friends in a while. I feel like I'm slowly losing all of them but again, I just engage a conversation with my family and people here in 7 cups. Anyway, good luck.
Hey it's possible ... I see u didn't had a friend since 5 years that must be lonely . Try interacting with people slowly. Communication is the first to friend ship :) . And never cry upon those who leave yk... cause friends come and go .... But some gems do stick with ya forever . Life without friends is like chocolate cake with chocolate gaze on top but still u can go with it . U can find other hobbies to kill boredom and buddy start interacting with people ok there would 1 in 20 who would like to be ur friend :) best of luck it's not to be sad upon .
@Nairhair95
Opinions differ really. To me is not possible, or if it is will be very hard.
I also have no friends, only my boyfriend. That alone is hard so must be hard what you're going through.
If I can suggest, what about online friends? I mean sure isn't the same as a real face to face friend but might help you get better at socialising? So then you can try in person?
@Booklover95 Perhaps. I found the group chats lift my mood but whenever I'm in college I'm so miserable and I feel like everyone around me is happier than I am. Everyday I feel like a loser and I fixate on the people passing by that are laughing and talking in groups. Why can't I just focus on something else totry to be happy? Why do I think like this all day?
@Nairhair95
Because is a basic human need. We need others, even if we try to convince ourselves otherwise.
Is very hard to make friends nowdays but I came to the conclusion we also have to try. Sitting all alone not making a step towards our people skills is very bad. Sometimes we just need to for it and if things don't go well there's always a next time.
There's always people for us that will like the same stuff as us and like us aswell.
You just need to find them.
I know what you mean. I have friends but not really. I have people around me that I know due to school/work etc and I talk to them daily. However, I don't feel like I can be myself around them, we don't have that deep connection, I can't even talk to them about the things I like because they simply don't understand any of them or my enthusiasm. So I am stuck in a vicious cycle of never ending meaningless conversations which is draining and I certainly want a true friend but I can't seem to find one.
@ Yeah it's so hard making a real bond with someone.
I believe at whatever age you are in, you will get the same opportunity to make friends. my only suggestion is to find the right community where u feel belong and be able to be who you are :) Good luck!
@SmilingCamel55 Thanks. I know that finding the right kind of people is important and that's why it's so hard I guess.
Having moved away from my school time area I have found myself without my friends or family for over 8 years now. I am on my own with 3 kids and whilst it keeps me bsy there are always times i feel lonely. One thing I have learned though and this will sound seriously negative, I have people around me at work ad at various activities the kids go to, I have the benefit and control that i chose who i allow into my life and to what degree. If i want to share i can if i dont then thats fine too. People too much emphasis on 'friends' and society make us feel wrong for not habing them but there are veryfew people in life that you can genuinly trust.
@sincereEyes1983 Thanks for sharing. At least it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I agree, society does make you feel that friends are a commodity and everyone should have them or else you're not living a good enough life but they're not really. You're lucky to have them if you do and you can't just buy them, that's why it's so special to have a true friend.
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@LadyInSilence Thanks. I have a bit of hope at least.