I need advice

@No715

Hey there, hopefully things are doing well. Thanks for posting your situation, theres a few things I would like to point out;

I'm sorry in advance, i might vent a little.

So "O" and i have been bestfriends for 12 years now. (This sounds like a very long term friendship)

Our friendship wasn't perfect but it was really good. (I get the feeling there might be some sort of issues you two deal with separetly)

And months ago i've realised something. I was talking to my mom about her, and my mom told me "you don't notice how she always tears you down everytime you talk to her". And that's true. I talk to my mom about her a lot and i've realised a lot of stuff. (She really knows what she is talking about, it wouldn't surprise me if she has seen people like your friend in her life, so she definetly have a lot of experience regarding this)

1. She calls or texts me when she needs me only. When her friends don't want to hang out with her, she texts me. (This sounds like she is on this friendship to receive and call you when she is on crisis. She hangs out with other people when things are fine, but she messages you when things are not okay or for support. This doesn't like a friendship that is focused on giving from her side).

2. I know sometimes i cancel plans but i've already explain to her that i have health problems (she knows how serious my problems are) and i don't know when i'm gonna be sick. Besides, i've done a lot of things with her. (Well you have valid reasons for canceling plans on her, and it seems like things happen unexpectdly)

3. She doesn't take my health problems seriously, once she asked me to work with her at Mcdonalds. And i told her that i can't because of my health. (I cannot have a "physical" job). And she told me "Yes right, like you do sports and you can't even work at mcdonals Grow up!". Honestly, even today, it still hurts. (She is being self centered, selfish, not being being considerate of what you go through. It's all about her, on how she sees things and what she wants. She is the one who needs to grow up not you, she is being emotionally abusive at this point).

4. When she tells me something like 'i 'm going to see "this singer" in concert i'm happy for her. (You sounds like a great friend who is very empathetic and care about others). Like really. Sometimes i don't really show it because i don't feel good, but i really feel happy for her. And recently i told her that i'm going to London by bus, and the bus would take 5 hours and stuff she told me "Yeah. Well MY bus to ITALIA took MORE THAN 10 HOURS so don't complain"... and i wasn't even complaining, (She is showing a bit of narcissit, you talk about something then she turns the conversation all around her and what she does. She is basicalling dismissing what you are going through, doesn't know how to communicate and its almost impossible to have a give and take conversation with her)

5. When i text she almost always reply me like " oh sorry I was at work, you know i'm working right ?, not everybody has time" ..(This sounds very rude and disrespectful, I could tell theres some sort of hostility in what she said. it's not a good idea to reach out to her first).

6. Once i wanted to show her a movie trailer, i told her that one of her favorite celebrities was in the movie and she told me "Come On i've already told you i hate this kind of movie" (She seems to have a dismissive attachment style which means that she will largerly disregard people feelings, and interest in other people such as the things other people like. She sounds very hostile and rude with what she said here) And three weeks later she texts me like "OMG have you seen this movie trailer with my favorite celebrity, my friend showed me, i can't wait to see it." It was the same video. (It's all about her, what she likes, what she thinks, her opnion, her hobbies, everything revolves around her to the point it's not important other people feelings and thoughts).

The thing is, when we talk, we have a good moment. We do not agree on everything but still. I know i am not the perfect friend, i 'm flawed we all are. (You are not flawed, she has very deep issues since childhood, however theres no excuses with how she is treating you. She has not been a good friend to you) I know she has, family problems, health problems, but she acts like i don't. (Definetly true, its all about her, people like her are overly focused on themeselves to the point where they will minimize and disregard what you like and your feelings. She has been emotionally abusive towards you). Sometimes, i even feel like she wanna starts a competition on who has the worst problems. (This is true, in her mind she has worst problems than everyone else, so in her mind they should all get over it and grow up.) Everytime i'm confessing to her, not complaining but just talking about my problems, she always come back to her, not to support me and to tell me that i am not alone, but so we can focus on her and only her. (These are a sign of a person who is narcissist, you can talk about what you like, what you go through, but then she will say something short then change it back to her all the time. You should never discuss what you go through with her, she doesn't know how to listen). And i hate that. Like i said, i know i am flawed, i am probably not the best friend. When she talks about her problems i listen and i try to give advice. (You are not flawed, she has very deep issues to the point its impossible to have a healthy friendship with her. You need a friend who will respect and acknowledge your feelings, who will support you and be there for you, who will know how to communicate properly. She is not a good friend, the only thing you can do is be away from her until she changes).