I feel degraded by my family and friends.
Have you ever felt very degraded my a family member? A friend? This doesn't have to be singular. For me, multiple people put me down every day. In such a subtle way that no one believes me.
Has your mother and/or father ever known one of your friends better than you? That's happened to me twice. My parents don't even know what my favorite food is. They don't really care.
All day I have felt bad about things I shouldn't have all because people who I thought were my friends wouldn't talk to me. Even Jessi is acting very mean towards me. She never listens to me. Now, I get she does not speak English as well as I do. But she is trying to correct me on my English. She gets MAD when I tell her that she's not right, she always has to be right. Also, if I ask her to do something, which is not very often, she may not even hear me. She gets so absorbed into her own little world. I can also feel her judgement on me all the time. I know her so well, whenever she uses her affirmative "hmm" I understand what it means. I understand what all of her faces and voices are for. But she does not understand mine. 6 months in my country and you still don't know me very well when I know you so well. ? .
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.
I feel like my family does not understand me now a days. It is like we are on different wave lengths. Like I wanna be a social worker and they are all business and political people. Its hard because I feel so disconnected. Nothing I do ever seems to be good enough
It's just so hard I don't know what to do anymore. I still have one more year of high school. They take physically and mentally good care of me but not emotionally. They have caused all my depression and anxiety that have put me on medicine. And every time I get mad or say something they don't like they blame it on the medicine... They know my friends favorite foods, colors and everything else about them. They know none of that about me. They blame me for getting mad at them lately but truly they are the ones that have caused it. Do you know what I mean?
When I was in seventh grade I had lost so much. My family was going through a rough patch and my friends were a horrible group of people. I was like the little joke of our clique and I just felt so awful and depressed. Before, I wore bright colored outfits, kept my hair out of my face, smiled at everyone, and was just the happiest person in earth. And then it all went to hell. My closet had a shadow in it ever thing I owened was a darkened color, I let my hair grow out so it would cover my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at anyone and I rarely ever smiled. I felt like I was scum. I ever tried to drown myself in my bathtub multiple. But I was so scared about what might happen afterwards I never could. Finally I was moved from the school into a smaller one. It wasnt great, but it was better. Since the class I was in only had 14 total I was in the athletics program. And it really helped. I was ontroduced to an whole new level of unity I hadn't found before. But after wards I moved again. Now in highschool I had hears so many horror stories I was scared beyond my wits. But thanks to band I met new people. Made friends and enjoyed life more. Sometimes you have to endure the crap your going through. Its not an ideal oppnion but soon there will be a way out. And it's important that you keep your eye on your exit
Amp Did you ever think that maybe Jessi is being influenced by how your family treats you? I'm not sure about your situation but stand up for yourself, make yourself present in the moment. Demand some attention you deserve it. Do not take crap off of anyone. You are important, you deserve better and unfortuantely we cannot pick our family but we can pick our friends. Only surround yourself with others that will lift you up and help you to see the wonderful person that you are!!!!
