I Don't Want To Like Them...

I'll call them A.

Okay...so I had a few classes with A before in the last two years, but they never seemed to interest me. In fact, they kind of annoyed me. A is rather aggressive and tough on people. Especially me, being quiet and kind of aloof. Easy to mess with. This year, I've gotten closer to them. A is in half of my classes now and they started to talk to me more. Joking around a lot. I didn't mind it, but A was pretty irritating sometimes. After some months pass, I began to take a liking to them (friendship wise) and we talked every now and then.

Recently, my band took a trip out of state and I was paired with A. They opened up to me when we found ourselves alone. (a lot for some reason) Their relationship with someone else was going downhill, so I decided to help A. After some time to comfort them, they've gotten comfortable (?) As in hugging me, throwing their arm around my shoulder, grabbing my arm or hand, etc. Just touchy! I like the idea of being nice and complimenting people, so the more I absent mindedly did this, the less I realized I was bonding more with A. They started to watch out for me and began helping me. They aren't rude and tend to be gentle. (Though they can be pervy...) They've been the only person to comfort me in a long while.

I don't know what even did it, but after that trip...I started to like A. I don't know what it is! They're obnoxious and awkward, and weird...and kind of creepy ! Yet I still can't help, but to make sure I see them every day, hug them, try to make them happy, get their attention, think about them daily, look nice for them, smile a lot! My issue is that, yeah I fell for them and they might have fallen for me, but...they didn't fall as hard as I did. They don't always hug me or watch out for me. They don't even hang out with me as much anymore or even, when I'm sad, they don't realize and talk to someone else...They probably don't really like me that much (??) I tend to get sad easily now. Like over the smallest things! Especially if it deals with them. I guess because they haven't shown that side of them in a while, it's getting me down. One simple little crush did this to me and I'm confused as to why this is happening.

Yeah, I know this is pretty selfish or maybe even ridiculous, but my realtionship to them was better when I saw them as a friend, but ever since I've seen A in a different light, I can't focus on my work ever. And it should be my fault for letting myself get this far. Don't get me wrong, they're very lovable, I'm just a bit ticked that I'm going through this all over again after the first time ended badly. It's a cycle. So, does anyone have a suggestion on what to do? A way to stop liking them? Or maybe a way to fix things or what should I do starting now? Telling them about this would only make my life more stressful and I don't want to lose them. Especially at this time of the school year or maybe even just this time of the year. If you couldn't tell, love isn't something I get along well with or know how to deal with...

Thanks for taking the time to read this! I really do appreciate any comments or suggestions. Just anything would help right now >.< I'm too unexperienced ; . ;